[Making someone happy is new and wonderful. Xue Yang moans quietly, kissing Huaisang tenderly, slowly, tasting his lips until his head feels like it is spinning.]
SangSang, I need you. [The honesty comes from his heart and he bites his lip, feeling shy.]
I need you, too. [Huaisang smiles, glad to have made his lover laugh.] In my life. As my lover. Also inside me right now.
[Huaisang is terrible at keeping quiet during sex, but he will try his best. And if they do wake Xingchen, he can simply watch or join in, whatever he likes.]
[He draws Huaisang into a loving kiss, crawling over him as carefully as possible. If Xingchen wakes up, the more the merrier! But he deserves his sleep just as much as Huaisang deserves his love. Xue Yang runs his hands over his lover's soft skin, smiling like he has been given a wonderful present.]
[Huaisang spreads his legs, inviting Xue Yang between them. He sighs with pleasure into the kiss, reaching up to wind his arms around Xue Yang's neck.]
You're so handsome, A-Yang.
[Huaisang grins at him, happy to be able to flirt.]
[He looks gleeful, tucking himself between Huaisang's thighs, his hands resting on them. The hold brings their faces close and he tugs his lover's lips between his teeth.]
Have you always thought that? Or was I really scary before?
I've always thought that! Before you were just handsome and scary.
[His expression faltered a bit, turning slightly conflicted.] When I saw you at the Chang clan's residence... You were so frightening. But you were handsome, too. Charming. Though you didn't even look at me.
[Or if he had, Huaisang hadn't noticed. There were so many other people, so many things happening. Huaisang's attention had been distracted.]
Did you look at me? [Huaisang's smile flickers briefly, there for a moment and then gone.]
You didn't matter then, A-Yang. Whoever you might be as a person, it was wholly overshadowed by what you'd done. Reputation is larger than us, A-Yang. It can be a wall that keeps anyone from seeing what's within.
Sometimes I still think of that courtyard. Those bodies. The things you did to them. The looks of terror on their dead faces.
[A risky conversation to be having with Xue Yang, he knows. Part of him can't seem to help it. Part of him wants to be honest. He's still terrified of what Xue Yang has done and is capable of doing. Part of him wants to test Xue Yang, to see if he really will stay gentle as a kitten when Huaisang reminds him of his crimes.]
I did. I got a good long look at you. [He stretches out, almost playful, before the subject darkens and his past deeds come back to haunt him. Again. They are continuously nipping at his heels! He closes his eyes against the desperate feeling of power the murders had given him, knowing it isn't really what he has always sought.]
They paid for my hand. It probably doesn't make sense to you or anyone else, but because I couldn't kill the man who did this...
[He raises the braced hand.]
I killed them instead. I needed...vengeance. It's difficult to explain.
[Huaisang's quiet and calm, watching Xue Yang through low-lidded eyes. It's an immense expression of trust for him, in its own way, to let Xue Yang see him think.
He understands vengeance, though this form is very, very different from what he can comprehend. Huaisang risked the lives of innocents repeatedly to meet his goals. But Huaisang had done that for vengeance against the actual man, trying to minimize the damage outside of that.
Was it necessary for them to die in suffering?]
You enjoyed it.
[That's the real accusation here, the real thing Huaisang cannot understand or forgive. Vengeance, yes. But to take such glee in vengeance, especially when turned against innocent victims, that turns Huaisang's blood cold.]
[Laughter is supposed to be a beautiful expression of joy. Xue Yang hasn't known much - if any - joy in his life. When he laughed that night, it had been a combination of pain, bitterness, sorrow and the realization that even the bodies at his feet wouldn't free him of what had happened when he was a child.]
I enjoyed...rising up. Having power. Using something I created to...I thought...undo what had happened.
[His brow furrows under the scrutiny and he looks at Huaisang warily.]
But it's still ruined. [He laughs suddenly, sharply.] I'm not...better.
[There's still no judgement on Huaisang's face. No horror or disgust, but no acceptance or forgiveness, either. Simply observation. He sees what Xue Yang is and what he has done, and does not turn away.
Xue Yang's still laying between Huaisang's legs, with only the thin fabric of their undergarments between them. It's a deeply vulnerable position, especially for Huaisang, but his body remains relaxed. He knows Xue Yang will not hurt him.
Xue Yang was capable of great cruelty. Some of it he'd chosen, some of it he was assigned to do, turned toward killing like the blade that he was.
Huaisang trusted him here and now, in this moment, but he still needed to understand the circumstances under which Xue Yang might turn and torture him and Xingchen to death. He needed to understand how to avoid that.] How do you want to be better?
[Don't drag him through the streets by his hair, deny him sweets and/or crush his hand with a cart. Those would all be excellent starts. Then again, he is grown now and the scars from the wounds he endured as a child don't have the same effect on him.
He sits up and rests his hands against the bedding on either side of Huaisang. Better is a complicated word and his gaze darkens as he considers it.]
I want to have a home and, maybe, something like a family. I don't mind fighting, but it feels like all I have. I'm useful. I'm like a sword, A-Sang, and there is more to me. It's just nobody bothered to look or ask.
You're both...different. From everyone. [He blinks and caresses Huaisang's thighs slowly - as if he doesn't believe the other is choosing to hold onto him.]
Jiangzai is more interesting to look at...maybe? [He flushes and laughs softly.]
Thank you. It seems stupid to complain about a situation I...partially...caused. I was the one who chose Demonic Cultivation. It makes me useful to the worst people.
I like to look at your cock more. As nice as Jiangzai is.
[He reaches down, unfastening the leather cup that protects Xue Yang's cock, and guides him gently under the fabric of his soft panties, nestling the head of Xue Yang's cock between his cheeks.]
Go on. I'm still slick from when he fucked me earlier. Fill me up.
[Huaisang moans softly, trying to keep himself quiet. It feels good as Xue Yang slides inside of him. He feels like he belongs here, beneath Xue Yang, beside Xingchen, filled up with one lover's cock and the other lover's seed. His entrance feels sore and sensitive from overuse, but his golden core helps him heal quickly and he doesn't want to take a break from this fever dream of love and pleasure.
Winding legs and arms around Xue Yang, he holds him close, sighing softly with contentment.]
[The sigh makes his heart flutter and he sinks into the hold, into Huaisang's amazing heat, his eyelids fluttering closed. He hears himself moan and he wonders if he can ask to remain just like this for...
Well, the rest of time seems like a good starting point.]
A-Sang, this feels right, doesn't it? [He rocks his hips ever so gently, rumbling lowly in contentment.]
It does. It's perfect. Everything outside is frightening, but being here with you two, loving you both--ah!--[Huaisang gasps as Xue Yang nudges the right spot. He smiles, eyes closing with contentment as he savors that feeling.] I feel like I belong.
[Huaisang gasps and giggles, squirming up into Xue Yang's tantalizing grinding. He's trying to keep quiet and to not squirm around too much, though they're probably going to end up waking Xingchen anyway. He steals kiss after kiss to try and muffle his gasps, though the kisses only result in more moaning, so that's less helpful than it could be.]
[ It really was just a matter of time before all the wiggling, giggling, and squirming beside him wakes Xingchen! It's not even the first time, nor will it be the last time he's woken like this. Affection settles over him as he rolls over to see just how far they've gotten - he's not surprised by what he finds and only ends up smiling softly and curling a little closer. He reaches out to thread gentle fingers through Huaisang's hair. ]
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SangSang, I need you. [The honesty comes from his heart and he bites his lip, feeling shy.]
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I meant us being together. I need you in my life. [However...] If we're quiet, we might not wake Daozhang.
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[Huaisang is terrible at keeping quiet during sex, but he will try his best. And if they do wake Xingchen, he can simply watch or join in, whatever he likes.]
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You're so pretty, A-Sang.
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You're so handsome, A-Yang.
[Huaisang grins at him, happy to be able to flirt.]
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Have you always thought that? Or was I really scary before?
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[His expression faltered a bit, turning slightly conflicted.] When I saw you at the Chang clan's residence... You were so frightening. But you were handsome, too. Charming. Though you didn't even look at me.
[Or if he had, Huaisang hadn't noticed. There were so many other people, so many things happening. Huaisang's attention had been distracted.]
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[Xue Yang pouts and huffs.]
I did look at you. You just didn't see me.
Almost like I didn't matter.
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You didn't matter then, A-Yang. Whoever you might be as a person, it was wholly overshadowed by what you'd done. Reputation is larger than us, A-Yang. It can be a wall that keeps anyone from seeing what's within.
Sometimes I still think of that courtyard. Those bodies. The things you did to them. The looks of terror on their dead faces.
[A risky conversation to be having with Xue Yang, he knows. Part of him can't seem to help it. Part of him wants to be honest. He's still terrified of what Xue Yang has done and is capable of doing. Part of him wants to test Xue Yang, to see if he really will stay gentle as a kitten when Huaisang reminds him of his crimes.]
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They paid for my hand. It probably doesn't make sense to you or anyone else, but because I couldn't kill the man who did this...
[He raises the braced hand.]
I killed them instead. I needed...vengeance. It's difficult to explain.
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He understands vengeance, though this form is very, very different from what he can comprehend. Huaisang risked the lives of innocents repeatedly to meet his goals. But Huaisang had done that for vengeance against the actual man, trying to minimize the damage outside of that.
Was it necessary for them to die in suffering?]
You enjoyed it.
[That's the real accusation here, the real thing Huaisang cannot understand or forgive. Vengeance, yes. But to take such glee in vengeance, especially when turned against innocent victims, that turns Huaisang's blood cold.]
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I enjoyed...rising up. Having power. Using something I created to...I thought...undo what had happened.
[His brow furrows under the scrutiny and he looks at Huaisang warily.]
But it's still ruined. [He laughs suddenly, sharply.] I'm not...better.
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Xue Yang's still laying between Huaisang's legs, with only the thin fabric of their undergarments between them. It's a deeply vulnerable position, especially for Huaisang, but his body remains relaxed. He knows Xue Yang will not hurt him.
Xue Yang was capable of great cruelty. Some of it he'd chosen, some of it he was assigned to do, turned toward killing like the blade that he was.
Huaisang trusted him here and now, in this moment, but he still needed to understand the circumstances under which Xue Yang might turn and torture him and Xingchen to death. He needed to understand how to avoid that.] How do you want to be better?
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He sits up and rests his hands against the bedding on either side of Huaisang. Better is a complicated word and his gaze darkens as he considers it.]
I want to have a home and, maybe, something like a family. I don't mind fighting, but it feels like all I have. I'm useful. I'm like a sword, A-Sang, and there is more to me. It's just nobody bothered to look or ask.
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I like your sword. [A tiny, wicked little quirk of his lips.] Both kinds.
You are more to me than your usefulness. You're more than your sword. More than your skill in bed.
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Jiangzai is more interesting to look at...maybe? [He flushes and laughs softly.]
Thank you. It seems stupid to complain about a situation I...partially...caused. I was the one who chose Demonic Cultivation. It makes me useful to the worst people.
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[He reaches down, unfastening the leather cup that protects Xue Yang's cock, and guides him gently under the fabric of his soft panties, nestling the head of Xue Yang's cock between his cheeks.]
Go on. I'm still slick from when he fucked me earlier. Fill me up.
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[It might not fit in the cup! And if he was aroused, well, he doesn't want it turning into two cocks or somehow tearing through his robes.
The offer is too great, too wonderful and he gathers his A-Sang into his arms, gently entering him with a low groan.]
You are slick...
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Winding legs and arms around Xue Yang, he holds him close, sighing softly with contentment.]
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Well, the rest of time seems like a good starting point.]
A-Sang, this feels right, doesn't it? [He rocks his hips ever so gently, rumbling lowly in contentment.]
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[He grins seductively at the gasp and pulls Huaisang into a sweet kiss, grazing his teeth over his lip.]
You do belong, my adorable crafty Huaisang.
[Mischievously, he rubs himself against that spot, whimpering.]
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