I'm sorry I caused that. [He keeps running his fingers through Xue Yang's hair, trying to soothe him as much as possible.]
They're beautiful, A-Yang. I love them. [Smiling as he watches the birds and pets his lover's hair, Huaisang relaxes a little.] I'm so glad to have birds again. I've missed them so much.
I love songbirds. I used to have over a dozen of them. Rare plumage and delicate voices... I love them. Thank you for bringing me a pair of them. They're so lovely.
[Huaisang wants to touch and dote on them, but Xue Yang is the higher priority right now.]
Here... [He lifts himself with a small hiss, holding his bruised abdomen. The birds are sweetly cuddling and he remembers how the pet store owner had shown him how to lure them onto his hand. When the golden duo are on his finger instead, he walks slowly back to Huaisang and holds them out to him.]
[Huaisang worries at that hiss, helping support him up. He smiles as he watches Xue Yang fetch the birds, charmed by how gentle he is with them. Accepting the birds onto his hand, he tugs Xue Yang down to sit with him again, cuddling close as the birds chirp and hop around. Huaisang laughs, absolutely delighted, and ruffles their feathers gently with a careful fingertip.] They're so lovely. Thank you so much.
I can tell. They're so tame. I had both tame birds and wild birds in my collection at home. The wild birds were tamed after a generation, of course. As soon as I had eggs that would hatch.
How lovely and sweet they are.
[Huaisang plays with them gently, laughing at their sweet curiosity.]
And what about us, Xue Yang? Should I take this gift as forgiveness? Apology? Farewell?
[He sits motionless at the questions, knowing none of the answers are easy to even fathom - much less put into words.]
I do love you, A-Sang. You're stuck with that.
[His smile is a little self-deprecating.]
I also realize that our views on love are...different. Maybe too different. I'm moving in with A-Chen and we're going to try to stay faithful to one another. I need that more than you realize and it's...
It's not fair to you to expect you to give up everything after only a few months.
Though I know I'm adorable. [He smirks and rolls his eyes at himself.] I can't say farewell to you. And I am apologizing for being so angry and hurt.
Ah. [Huaisang carefully sits up, shifting away from Xue Yang so that they're no longer touching. He blushes, focusing on stroking the birds for a moment so that he doesn't have to look at him.]
I understand. We kept... fighting about it, after all. [More than one of those fights had been held over Xingchen's sleeping body, and they'd kept not telling Xingchen everything that had been going on. And then there had been the marriage proposal, which had been so very swift, after they'd been together less than two months, which Huaisang had balked at for the bond and the contract but then agreed for the romance and the celebration. It's been a complicated relationship, and Huaisang is heartbroken to lose it, but also... not surprised.
He's completely calm at first, blinking a few times but continuing to fuss over the birds, but after a minute the blinks become more rapid and he rises to put the birds back in their cage.] I'd like to be alone to cry now.
[This feels awful and there will be a hole in him. Huaisang isn't dying, but he is losing him nonetheless and, stupidly, he never thought it would come to this; that somehow they could keep being happy.]
Will I never see you again? [Their apartments will feel a bit empty without Huaisang's laughter and mischief.] I want to protect you regardless...where I can. Where you allow.
[He pushes himself onto his feet, pale and sad.]
Be careful with who you choose here, A-Sang. Don't let them abuse you.
I'd like to still be friends. [Once the birds are safely away, Huaisang takes a handkerchief from his sleeve, using it to wipe his tears, though he keeps his back turned.] Maybe we should take some time first. So that it will hurt less.
I'd be grateful for whatever protection you can give. I trust you.
I'm glad that he can be what you need. I'm sorry that... in this place, with everything it involves, I can't.
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They're beautiful, A-Yang. I love them. [Smiling as he watches the birds and pets his lover's hair, Huaisang relaxes a little.] I'm so glad to have birds again. I've missed them so much.
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I'm not sure how you tell them apart, but I think the female sings higher.
[He smiles a little.] You told me you liked songbirds, right?
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[Huaisang wants to touch and dote on them, but Xue Yang is the higher priority right now.]
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She said they just like being together.
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You can decide on names. [He slides a hand over the other man's hair, pulling it back from his shoulders.]
They are golden canaries and they have been handled by human hands since they first hatched.
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How lovely and sweet they are.
[Huaisang plays with them gently, laughing at their sweet curiosity.]
And what about us, Xue Yang? Should I take this gift as forgiveness? Apology? Farewell?
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I do love you, A-Sang. You're stuck with that.
[His smile is a little self-deprecating.]
I also realize that our views on love are...different. Maybe too different. I'm moving in with A-Chen and we're going to try to stay faithful to one another. I need that more than you realize and it's...
It's not fair to you to expect you to give up everything after only a few months.
Though I know I'm adorable. [He smirks and rolls his eyes at himself.] I can't say farewell to you. And I am apologizing for being so angry and hurt.
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I understand. We kept... fighting about it, after all. [More than one of those fights had been held over Xingchen's sleeping body, and they'd kept not telling Xingchen everything that had been going on. And then there had been the marriage proposal, which had been so very swift, after they'd been together less than two months, which Huaisang had balked at for the bond and the contract but then agreed for the romance and the celebration. It's been a complicated relationship, and Huaisang is heartbroken to lose it, but also... not surprised.
He's completely calm at first, blinking a few times but continuing to fuss over the birds, but after a minute the blinks become more rapid and he rises to put the birds back in their cage.] I'd like to be alone to cry now.
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Will I never see you again? [Their apartments will feel a bit empty without Huaisang's laughter and mischief.] I want to protect you regardless...where I can. Where you allow.
[He pushes himself onto his feet, pale and sad.]
Be careful with who you choose here, A-Sang. Don't let them abuse you.
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I'd be grateful for whatever protection you can give. I trust you.
I'm glad that he can be what you need. I'm sorry that... in this place, with everything it involves, I can't.
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Knock on Xingchen's door or send a message. I'll come help you any time.
[It frightens him to imagine the other man alone in this world, but what can he do?]
You're honest. You could have lied to me and I might have believed you for awhile. But you didn't and that makes you a good man.
[He backs up and whispers a farewell to the little birds.]
Maybe we'll get another chance...somewhere else. You never know.