[His lips thin and, frankly, he is hurt. If Huaisang thinks he will somehow allow himself to be manipulated again, he is dead wrong. That life is over.]
Multiple people who never had awful childhoods; who never lacked some kind of protection. I want to help him because...I was given a second chance.
[Huaisang decides to ignore the whore topic. He wasn't arguing that Meng Yao had a horrible childhood, he'd been arguing against the idea that Xue Yang was the only one who had suffered an awful childhood comparable to Meng Yao's: Wei Wuxian also fell into that category, among those who were now helping and supporting Meng Yao.]
Oh, so you 'really trust him'?
You were only ever his dog. A tool for him to use and to cast aside when it was no longer worth the trouble.
If he wants to be better, he should be helped by people who don't trust him and yet are still willing to give him chances. If you trust him he'll only use and hurt you and Xingchen.
[The relationship he had with Meng Yao had been...twisted. He sees that now; he sees how they fed into each other's worst traits. Now that he feels he has broken free of that cycle, he wants to...let go of the past. Of his anger and bitterness.
If Meng Yao can do that too, he will need help. Xiao Xingchen genuinely cares about him, so he should try to genuinely care about Meng Yao. Otherwise it's all just...another farce.]
He has to earn it. [But he is open to it.] He treated me like that at the end. I haven't forgotten. But I'm not anyone's dog anymore.
That plan isn't good enough. [If someone doesn't feel valued, why should they keep trying to better themselves?] He...seemed miserable to me. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but if he stays miserable, nothing will change.
He's not miserable! He's being pampered and protected. He's getting daily orgasms and he always has a choice about whether he wants to do something. He has work that interests and engages him managing the finances of the temple. He's thriving. He's never been so protected, he's never had so many people looking out for his emotional and physical comfort and safety.
He lied to you, Xue Yang. He wants you to think that he's miserable and alone and that only you can help him, only you care about him, because then he can get you to do all sorts of things because you feel bad for him and think that he's isolated and helpless.
Did you? Your loyalty swayed so easily. As long as he poses no threat to Xingchen, you were just about ready to fight every cultivator in Duplicity in order to defend poor, miserable Meng Yao.
He's not stupid. He's very, very clever and very, very good at manipulation. And if, or when, you see him again and if you ask him about this, he'll either manage to persuade you that I'm lying or deceived, or he'll take some new tactic to manipulate you. And it'll work as well as it did this time, leaving you convinced that he's no threat to Xingchen and that you need to protect him, because that's the good and honorable thing to do.
If you'd like, I can arrange for you to watch the two of us without his knowledge. You can see for yourself how calm and blissful he gets when I'm sweet to him, how much he enjoys and takes pride in the work that he does managing the finances of Wangji and the temple. He even has his own financial accounts which I gave him, which I don't supervise, so that he can invest and spend however he pleases.
[How fortunate that someone he genuinely cares about will be arriving in the next few days, though Huaisang doesn't yet know that.]
He genuinely cares about me, Xue Yang. It's a short list of people he genuinely cares about, but I'm in the top four at the very least. Lan Xichen, Jin Ling, Qin Su, and myself.
[Huaisang's not sure if Xue Yang knows anything about Qin Su's death or what happened in the temple. Huaisang certainly didn't mention it. Those secrets weren't relevant to Xue Yang. He doubted that Meng Yao would ever tell him what had happened.] Why would you assume differently?
[He lets out a harsh laugh - more of a bark than a chuckle.]
Yes, yes, he cared about you and Lan Xichen and Jin Ling and Qin Su so much that he killed your brother and countless others.
[It doesn't matter. For Meng Yao, that's just to be expected.]
You will be shocked to know that he and I were friends once. We worked together on project after project and he never hid his intentions from me. The only time he took me by surprise was when he had me so badly beaten.
He said he meant to send someone to find me, but Xingchen got there first.
The past tense flew right over your head, Huaisang. I told you my part in all of that a long time ago.
[The last bit takes his breath away and he shakes his head in shock.]
...so I guess I'm no use if I'm not in your bed? I can't take back what I did. I haven't done anything to hurt you here. Shit. All I did was dare to...try to be with you.
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Multiple people who never had awful childhoods; who never lacked some kind of protection. I want to help him because...I was given a second chance.
If he screws it up, that's on him.
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He is being given a second chance.
He's lying to you and manipulating you, Xue Yang, if he's trying to convince you that he's not.
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By those who don't really trust him. He realizes that.
What he did... What I did... It's not so different in the end. If he wants to be better, this is the time.
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Oh, so you 'really trust him'?
You were only ever his dog. A tool for him to use and to cast aside when it was no longer worth the trouble.
If he wants to be better, he should be helped by people who don't trust him and yet are still willing to give him chances. If you trust him he'll only use and hurt you and Xingchen.
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If Meng Yao can do that too, he will need help. Xiao Xingchen genuinely cares about him, so he should try to genuinely care about Meng Yao. Otherwise it's all just...another farce.]
He has to earn it. [But he is open to it.] He treated me like that at the end. I haven't forgotten. But I'm not anyone's dog anymore.
That plan isn't good enough. [If someone doesn't feel valued, why should they keep trying to better themselves?] He...seemed miserable to me. I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but if he stays miserable, nothing will change.
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He lied to you, Xue Yang. He wants you to think that he's miserable and alone and that only you can help him, only you care about him, because then he can get you to do all sorts of things because you feel bad for him and think that he's isolated and helpless.
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He's stupid if he thinks otherwise.
[Grinding his teeth, he tries to keep calm, to fall back on the techniques he has been taught.]
If he is doing so well, why lie to me? I made it clear where my loyalty lies.
[It was almost like...Meng Yao missed him a bit.]
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He's not stupid. He's very, very clever and very, very good at manipulation. And if, or when, you see him again and if you ask him about this, he'll either manage to persuade you that I'm lying or deceived, or he'll take some new tactic to manipulate you. And it'll work as well as it did this time, leaving you convinced that he's no threat to Xingchen and that you need to protect him, because that's the good and honorable thing to do.
If you'd like, I can arrange for you to watch the two of us without his knowledge. You can see for yourself how calm and blissful he gets when I'm sweet to him, how much he enjoys and takes pride in the work that he does managing the finances of Wangji and the temple. He even has his own financial accounts which I gave him, which I don't supervise, so that he can invest and spend however he pleases.
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I also never said I would let him near Xingchen. Because I won't. What I offered him was a chance from me and only me.
[He snorts. Oh yes, pleasure and money will make anyone happy for a little while.]
What happens if he gets bored of all of that? You don't have a deeper hold on him. Find someone he genuinely cares about and do it quickly.
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He genuinely cares about me, Xue Yang. It's a short list of people he genuinely cares about, but I'm in the top four at the very least. Lan Xichen, Jin Ling, Qin Su, and myself.
[Huaisang's not sure if Xue Yang knows anything about Qin Su's death or what happened in the temple. Huaisang certainly didn't mention it. Those secrets weren't relevant to Xue Yang. He doubted that Meng Yao would ever tell him what had happened.] Why would you assume differently?
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Yes, yes, he cared about you and Lan Xichen and Jin Ling and Qin Su so much that he killed your brother and countless others.
[It doesn't matter. For Meng Yao, that's just to be expected.]
You will be shocked to know that he and I were friends once. We worked together on project after project and he never hid his intentions from me. The only time he took me by surprise was when he had me so badly beaten.
He said he meant to send someone to find me, but Xingchen got there first.
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His friend. I see. Then I will consider you culpable for your involvement in the 'project' that led to my brother's death.
That is not something I can forgive.
Stay away from me, and stay away from Jin Guangyao.
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[The last bit takes his breath away and he shakes his head in shock.]
...so I guess I'm no use if I'm not in your bed? I can't take back what I did. I haven't done anything to hurt you here. Shit. All I did was dare to...try to be with you.
Why do you keep kicking me?