Huaisang heard the door open and the soft sounds of the tea tray, but he felt too sad to try and lift his head or move. When Xichen pulled back the covers, Huaisang reached for him, sniffling as he pulled himself closer and tucked his head into Xichen's lap. "Er ge," he said, voice cracked with misery--and dehydration.
"A-Sang...!" He repeated, his voice far more distressed as he moved to sit in the bed, making it much easier to gather his little brother into his arms and hold him closely, protectively. His eyes were almost frantic, as if trying to examine him for wounds because he had never seen him this distressed before.
"What happened? Wait, don't speak yet." He recognized the pain in his voice and held out his hand towards the tray. Blue-white energy surrounded it as he concentrated and brought it to the bedside table instead. Now within reach, he was able to pour the tea with one hand, then bring the cup to Huaisang's lips.
Soothed by the warmth and comfort from a brother figure, Huaisang was all too glad to snuggle into Xichen's arms, tears subsiding briefly while he let Xichen care for him.
He drank the tea, waited for the refill and drank that, too. Feeling better at once, he tucked his head on Xichen's shoulder and sighed deeply as he recovered himself a little. "Thank you, er ge. Thank you for caring for me."
"Of course," he insisted, his brow furrowed with concern. "Please, when you're ready to speak, I will listen if you want to tell me why has brought you such sorrow."
"I spoke to da ge," Huaisang sighs again, deeply, and hiccups a little with tears. "It went terribly. He hates this world, he thinks that I'm tormenting you and A-Yao and that my relationship with the two of you is destroying me, he hates my lovers--except Jiang Cheng--he hates my clothing, and I'm bringing shame on the Nie Sect." Quivering as his crying worsens again, Huaisang wipes his face on his sleeves. He changed into the undergarments of his cultivator robes after a few hours. Mingjue hadn't hated his red hanfu dress as much as his initial apparel, but he'd still hated it. "I tried to explain that my clothing is important to my business, that I'm proud of what I've accomplished with my fashion businesses, and that it brings me joy, but he doesn't care about any of that. My business doesn't matter to him, I'm just... worthless. He's always thought that I'm worthless."
Oh. Da ge. That explains a lot. It was strange how comforting a very familiar type of fight was occurring between them, regardless of all that had happened. How many times had Mingjue complained about Huaisang's lifestyle back in Qinghe? And even after death, it continued here. While he was unable to address the topic of the relationship between himself, A-Yao and Huaisang at this exact moment, he could focus on what he knew.
"A-Sang," he began gently as he stroked his hair. "He is so strict because he loves you and cares about your well-being. If you are unfilial it does not bring shame only on the clan, but to yourself as well, and he is very protective of you." When the second cup of tea was finished he set it aside so he could hold Huaisang properly in both arms, gathering him up into his lap as best he could.
"He doesn't believe you're worthless, I can assure you. Your accomplishments are clear, but da ge doesn't care about business matters or pride more than honor. He's very old fashioned, and this world is very modern. It will take time before he can accept how different it is, how you thrive here much more than he ever could." He closed his eyes as he tucked Huaisang's head beneath his chin and rocked him slowly, an act that reminded him of so long ago when he would soothe Wangji as a child.
"He loves you, more than anything, more than anyone... this is a shock for him. He doesn't mean to hurt you and he never has..."
"He doesn't care about me thriving!" Huaisang insists. He doesn't object to being held and rocked. This kind of comfort is exactly what he needs, and he nestles into it. "He doesn't want me to thrive, he only wants me to be obedient and boring, and he doesn't care if I'm miserable. I don't have any accomplishments that mean anything to him, it's all just a waste of my time in his eyes. And what do I care if I shame the clan? They're not here! I'm free of that for the first time in my life, and he wants to drag me back into the shackles."
"You have always been far more free-spirited than da ge," he agreed with a slight nod, one was careful not to bump against Huaisang's head. "And yet there was a burden of responsibility set upon you, even moreso after he was gone." Such was the price of being born into nobility. It wasn't really fair, was it? Xichen had never considered it before now, but Huaisang certainly seemed that way. A beautiful, colorful bird locked in a gilded cage.
"I'm sorry, A-Sang. I don't know if he will ever understand how different you are, how much you want to be something else because all he can see is what you are. The heir to the clan, the one who must look after the lives of others in an entire nation of those who would rely upon you. Perhaps in time, here, he will come to understand that this is a different world and you can be free. But da ge is slow to change, he always has been. It's not that he doesn't care, I promise, it's because he wants you to follow a path that he knows, one that is familiar, honorable, just. For Mingjue, these things are more important than happiness."
"I know that!" Huaisang says, petulant and unhappy. "That doesn't help me. That's why I'm crying. He doesn't want me to be happy and I don't... I've only just gotten him back. How can I try to pursue my own happiness if he hates every moment of it? So I told him I wouldn't drink, I wouldn't sleep with lovers he disapproves of, and I wouldn't wear the clothes that make me happy. So I can't leave the house, and he doesn't even care. He hasn't come to see me."
Xichen's frown was slight, unseen, but it was sympathetic to Huaisang's plight. It had to be so difficult when one wanted to convince another that their way was better, but the other does not see.
"A-Sang... my advice may not be welcomed, but I believe you should live the life that you wish. This world is your opportunity for that, and da ge will adjust in time."
"How do I tell him that? Do I break his heart?" Huaisang shakes his head and looks up at Xichen's face. "When we first encountered each other in this world I was wearing ... a short dress. He draped his own robe around me and dragged me home and then spanked me hard for trying to defend my apparel. I can only imagine being in the middle of a business meeting and being seized and thrown over his shoulder and carried off for another spanking. That's why I tried to deal with this. But he thinks he's treating me like a Sect Leader and that I'm acting like a child, and I think he's treating me like a child and will never see me as an adult capable of making my own choices."
"That--" Xichen's eyes widened with surprise when Huaisang described such a punishment. It was not nearly as extreme as it would have been if they were at home, Huaisang most certainly would have gotten a wooden paddle across his back until he could no longer lay down, but still.
"I will talk to him, A-Sang. I will tell him that he cannot do that. This world is not our own, and you should not be punished for flourishing here." Confronting da ge? It was nothing that Xichen would have considered doing, but this obviously needed an intervention before Huaisang was humiliated further.
"If his heart is broken by your choices, it will repair. He loves you, that isn't ever going to change."
Huaisang nods hopefully, looking earnestly at Xichen. He knows that Xichen will better be able to get Mingjue to listen. He did so often, when Mingjue's temper was directed at Meng Yao. When it comes to the stubborn tempers of Mingjue and Wangji, Xichen is the best diplomat they have.
"Thank you, er ge. I'm grateful for you." Hugging him tightly, Huaisang takes a deep breath to steady himself and then lets go so that Xichen can get up.
This was more than a little difficult for him, especially since he felt he had no right to be a diplomat for da ge anymore but this was different. It did not involve Yao and it certainly wasn't life-or-death, surely an exception could be made even if it might be painful to see him again so soon.
As Huaisang sat up he reached out and gently wiped his tears for him with his sleeve. Then he poured him another cup of tea and offered it to him. "I'll make you breakfast, and we can begin our day properly. I'll see him tonight and this will be sorted out. In time, he will see, but until then he will not humiliate you again."
"Thank you, er ge," Huaisang repeated, deeply reassured by Xichen's promises. "I trust you."
Drinking the tea, Huaisang returns the cup to Xichen and then gives him a formal little bow in thanks. "This one is deeply grateful for your care and love."
Xichen bowed his head in respect to his little brother. "It is my honor and pleasure to care for you and your household," he took the cup, set it on the tray and then stood to gather it.
"Breakfast will be ready soon. You may wear whatever you wish," he added with a gentle smile.
Smiling hesitantly, Huaisang nodded and got up, going to his closet to pick out something that would bring him joy. He wouldn't leave the house in it so that he would keep his promise until Xichen was able to free him from it. Mingjue had been displeased by him wearing such things even in his own house, but Huaisang had at least only promised not to go out in apparel that made him happy.
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"What happened? Wait, don't speak yet." He recognized the pain in his voice and held out his hand towards the tray. Blue-white energy surrounded it as he concentrated and brought it to the bedside table instead. Now within reach, he was able to pour the tea with one hand, then bring the cup to Huaisang's lips.
"Please, drink first."
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He drank the tea, waited for the refill and drank that, too. Feeling better at once, he tucked his head on Xichen's shoulder and sighed deeply as he recovered himself a little. "Thank you, er ge. Thank you for caring for me."
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"A-Sang," he began gently as he stroked his hair. "He is so strict because he loves you and cares about your well-being. If you are unfilial it does not bring shame only on the clan, but to yourself as well, and he is very protective of you." When the second cup of tea was finished he set it aside so he could hold Huaisang properly in both arms, gathering him up into his lap as best he could.
"He doesn't believe you're worthless, I can assure you. Your accomplishments are clear, but da ge doesn't care about business matters or pride more than honor. He's very old fashioned, and this world is very modern. It will take time before he can accept how different it is, how you thrive here much more than he ever could." He closed his eyes as he tucked Huaisang's head beneath his chin and rocked him slowly, an act that reminded him of so long ago when he would soothe Wangji as a child.
"He loves you, more than anything, more than anyone... this is a shock for him. He doesn't mean to hurt you and he never has..."
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"I'm sorry, A-Sang. I don't know if he will ever understand how different you are, how much you want to be something else because all he can see is what you are. The heir to the clan, the one who must look after the lives of others in an entire nation of those who would rely upon you. Perhaps in time, here, he will come to understand that this is a different world and you can be free. But da ge is slow to change, he always has been. It's not that he doesn't care, I promise, it's because he wants you to follow a path that he knows, one that is familiar, honorable, just. For Mingjue, these things are more important than happiness."
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"A-Sang... my advice may not be welcomed, but I believe you should live the life that you wish. This world is your opportunity for that, and da ge will adjust in time."
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"I will talk to him, A-Sang. I will tell him that he cannot do that. This world is not our own, and you should not be punished for flourishing here." Confronting da ge? It was nothing that Xichen would have considered doing, but this obviously needed an intervention before Huaisang was humiliated further.
"If his heart is broken by your choices, it will repair. He loves you, that isn't ever going to change."
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"Thank you, er ge. I'm grateful for you." Hugging him tightly, Huaisang takes a deep breath to steady himself and then lets go so that Xichen can get up.
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As Huaisang sat up he reached out and gently wiped his tears for him with his sleeve. Then he poured him another cup of tea and offered it to him. "I'll make you breakfast, and we can begin our day properly. I'll see him tonight and this will be sorted out. In time, he will see, but until then he will not humiliate you again."
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Drinking the tea, Huaisang returns the cup to Xichen and then gives him a formal little bow in thanks. "This one is deeply grateful for your care and love."
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"Breakfast will be ready soon. You may wear whatever you wish," he added with a gentle smile.
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