Huaisang sighs, curling close and resting his head in Meng Yao's lap. "I don't know. I didn't exactly vow on anything, but I said I wouldn't leave the house in apparel he doesn't approve of or sleep with lovers that he doesn't approve of, and I don't want to go back on my word even though da ge doesn't care about my happiness. He says he respects me as a sect leader, but then if I don't act exactly how he thinks a sect leader should act, he says I'm acting like a child and tries to physically force me into behaving. He doesn't respect me at all, he just wants me to act like a perfect obedient puppet, and anything else means that I'm disrespectful and bringing shame on our family."
Whimpering unhappily, Huaisang presses his face into Meng Yao's belly. "Xichen tried to persuade him to at least not assault me if he sees me in public dressed scandalously--can you imagine me meeting with a client and da ge steps up and slings me over his shoulder? I don't dare risk it. I'd rather just hide out here."
"That's not a solution, A-Sang." Meng Yao sighs, petting Huaisang's hair. "Do you really think you can command respect by doing everything he says? And, from what I understand, it's only your clothing itself he doesn't approve of?" He raises an eyebrow, since that's what both Mingjue and Xichen have told him.
He pinches Huaisang's cheek lightly, not enough to actually be painful at all. "Don't try to twist this so much. To be treated like an adult, you must act like an adult and assert yourself. Da ge loves you too much-- Which, I suspect, is part of the problem. He's worried."
"Of course that's not all he doesn't approve of," Huaisang huffs. "He doesn't like or approve of my lovers, he's disgusted by my piercings, he doesn't care about my business success because it's frivolous."
Huaisang swats lazily at Meng Yao's hand. "Don't dismiss me. I tried acting like an adult. I carried myself like a competent diplomat and presented my case and he looked at me ... you know the look he gets, the simmering rage, his righteous fury and disapproval of anything that he sees as sinful. I can take that look from anyone else." Swallowing hard, Huaisang blinks rapidly, trying to keep back the tears. A few slip free despite his efforts, rolling down the side of his nose.
"He informed me he was only disapproving of your clothing," Meng Yao counters, sighing a little.
"This is a new world, A-Sang. You are much more adaptable than he is. He's likely terrified of everything here and taking it out as anger instead to not show his fear. He's scared, A-Sang. And you're scaring him further."
He rubs his thumb over Huaisang's tears and sighs again. "...When da ge first arrived here, I was on my way to visit Xichen. I was dressed, ah..." He trails off, flushing with embarrassment. "I was wearing very little," is the diplomatic answer. "He rescued me from being kidnapped off the streets. Likely he's terrified of the same thing happening to you. You're his precious brother. If anything happened to you, no one in this city would be able to stop him from razing it to the ground to rescue you. He sees you being beautiful, showing so much skin and attracting everyone's attention, and he worries."
This point of view soothes and calms Huaisang and he peeks up, listening now. He sucks on his lower lip for a moment, not wanting his brother to be scared or worried. It's strange to think of his big brother as being scared of anything. Huaisang's always thought of him as a strong wall, unruffled by anything. Even when he was brought down, it wasn't due to weakness or fear. It was a sickness planted inside him.
Which isn't a thought that he wants while he's in Meng Yao's lap.
Stirring and pushing away, Huaisang nods. "I'll go and speak to him. Thank you, san ge. You're dismissed."
It's not a phrase that he usually directs at Meng Yao, preferring to treat him far more respectfully than that, more like a consort than a servant, but right now he wants him to leave--and quickly.
Meng Yao goes still a little at the sudden change, but he can follow Huaisang's train of thought well enough most of the time to guess what the problem might be, vaguely. It's inevitable that with Mingjue here, Huaisang has more reminders of just what he lost--and who caused him to lose it.
It's been a while since Huaisang's been stirred to anger enough to actually punish him for his past transgressions, and a cold worry strangles at his throat. He swallows hard around it and stands, moving back a little to bring his arms up and bow low to the man.
He wants to say something, some kind of parting advice, but he's fairly sure it won't be welcomed. He has his own anger about all of this he's been swallowing down for the sake of bridging peace between them all, so he won't try to upset it now.
He simply takes his leave quickly, scarcely allowing himself to breathe again until he's left Huaisang's territory completely.
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Whimpering unhappily, Huaisang presses his face into Meng Yao's belly. "Xichen tried to persuade him to at least not assault me if he sees me in public dressed scandalously--can you imagine me meeting with a client and da ge steps up and slings me over his shoulder? I don't dare risk it. I'd rather just hide out here."
never has this icon been more appropriate
He pinches Huaisang's cheek lightly, not enough to actually be painful at all. "Don't try to twist this so much. To be treated like an adult, you must act like an adult and assert yourself. Da ge loves you too much-- Which, I suspect, is part of the problem. He's worried."
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Huaisang swats lazily at Meng Yao's hand. "Don't dismiss me. I tried acting like an adult. I carried myself like a competent diplomat and presented my case and he looked at me ... you know the look he gets, the simmering rage, his righteous fury and disapproval of anything that he sees as sinful. I can take that look from anyone else." Swallowing hard, Huaisang blinks rapidly, trying to keep back the tears. A few slip free despite his efforts, rolling down the side of his nose.
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"This is a new world, A-Sang. You are much more adaptable than he is. He's likely terrified of everything here and taking it out as anger instead to not show his fear. He's scared, A-Sang. And you're scaring him further."
He rubs his thumb over Huaisang's tears and sighs again. "...When da ge first arrived here, I was on my way to visit Xichen. I was dressed, ah..." He trails off, flushing with embarrassment. "I was wearing very little," is the diplomatic answer. "He rescued me from being kidnapped off the streets. Likely he's terrified of the same thing happening to you. You're his precious brother. If anything happened to you, no one in this city would be able to stop him from razing it to the ground to rescue you. He sees you being beautiful, showing so much skin and attracting everyone's attention, and he worries."
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Which isn't a thought that he wants while he's in Meng Yao's lap.
Stirring and pushing away, Huaisang nods. "I'll go and speak to him. Thank you, san ge. You're dismissed."
It's not a phrase that he usually directs at Meng Yao, preferring to treat him far more respectfully than that, more like a consort than a servant, but right now he wants him to leave--and quickly.
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It's been a while since Huaisang's been stirred to anger enough to actually punish him for his past transgressions, and a cold worry strangles at his throat. He swallows hard around it and stands, moving back a little to bring his arms up and bow low to the man.
He wants to say something, some kind of parting advice, but he's fairly sure it won't be welcomed. He has his own anger about all of this he's been swallowing down for the sake of bridging peace between them all, so he won't try to upset it now.
He simply takes his leave quickly, scarcely allowing himself to breathe again until he's left Huaisang's territory completely.