[ The color on Fenris' cheeks darkened as he drank in the affections that Huaisang kept lavishing him with. It was truly frightening, to be loved. To know that it could all be taken away from him in a second. It would have been better if he had remained shut off to it all, and yet certain people kept worming their way into bis heart.
He sighed and hugged him close, his eyes closed as he whispered low. ]
Am I really allowed to have this? [ He asked because Huaisang said he could. Because it felt right to ask someone who was willing to give him an answer. ] I was a killer, I still am. I competed for these painful markings that litter my body, destroyed my fellow slaves in the process, then my memory was wiped as the painful process of carving them into my skin was too much.
I remember now, vividly, of what I did to become the monster that I am not. You should not care for me...
You're allowed to have this. [Huaisang kissed his cheek again, then nuzzled close, just enjoying being held for the moment. He was happy to repeat those words every time Fenris asked, every time he needed to hear them.] I don't think you're a monster. I do care for you.
[Massaging gently at Fenris' neck, Huaisang keeps his voice low and soft, trying to soothe him as much as possible.] Our past shapes us, but you need no longer be bound to it. You can't undo the things that happened, but you can choose what you do in the future.
The person I know is sweet, playful, and protective. That's how you've been toward me, and that's why I care for you. None of the rest of it matters in how I care for you now.
[ Not a monster. Such a thought... It truly was something that he needed to hear, perhaps many, many times in order to grow accustomed to the concept. Huaisang was kind, far too kind, but Fenris was starved for this acceptance and affection and so he basked in it. Embraced him tightly, gently returned those kisses as he tried not to lapse into a quiet, broody silence.
The massage helped, as did the soothing tone. It lured him to reality, kept him grounded, made him feel flush with the realization that this man genuinely cared about him. ]
Thank you... [ He said quietly, gratefully. Truly grateful. It was so strange to feel so accepted even after telling someone about himself, since there was only one other individual who made him feel this way. ] You make me believe that I can have this.
You can. [Huaisang smiles warmly as he repeats it, ever so gently nudging Fenris' head up so that he can see the adoring smile on Huaisang's face.] You're very special to me, too.
You should come by more often, you know. [Huaisang nuzzles the tips of their noses lightly together.] I don't think I can bear to see you less than once a week. If you can find a way to fit me into your busy schedule. I need to see you sleepy and satisfied in my bed. I want to paint you, if you'll let me.
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He sighed and hugged him close, his eyes closed as he whispered low. ]
Am I really allowed to have this? [ He asked because Huaisang said he could. Because it felt right to ask someone who was willing to give him an answer. ] I was a killer, I still am. I competed for these painful markings that litter my body, destroyed my fellow slaves in the process, then my memory was wiped as the painful process of carving them into my skin was too much.
I remember now, vividly, of what I did to become the monster that I am not. You should not care for me...
no subject
[Massaging gently at Fenris' neck, Huaisang keeps his voice low and soft, trying to soothe him as much as possible.] Our past shapes us, but you need no longer be bound to it. You can't undo the things that happened, but you can choose what you do in the future.
The person I know is sweet, playful, and protective. That's how you've been toward me, and that's why I care for you. None of the rest of it matters in how I care for you now.
no subject
The massage helped, as did the soothing tone. It lured him to reality, kept him grounded, made him feel flush with the realization that this man genuinely cared about him. ]
Thank you... [ He said quietly, gratefully. Truly grateful. It was so strange to feel so accepted even after telling someone about himself, since there was only one other individual who made him feel this way. ] You make me believe that I can have this.
You are very special to me, Huaisang.
no subject
You should come by more often, you know. [Huaisang nuzzles the tips of their noses lightly together.] I don't think I can bear to see you less than once a week. If you can find a way to fit me into your busy schedule. I need to see you sleepy and satisfied in my bed. I want to paint you, if you'll let me.
fade to black for the newer stuffs? <3
Every week, then. At least once. You may do whatever you wish to me.
[ Because he trusted Huaisang not to treat him cruelly. And he would spend the rest of that evening showing him affection for being so kind to him. ]