Hey. [Huaisang's voice is gentler now, and he gives an encouraging nod.] I think it's good that you want to be a better person. I'd like to hear more about that. Tell me more about the person you want to be.
You ever feel like you've lost your way? Like you're barely even wearing your own skin anymore.
It's... kind of how I've been for most of my life. Acting tough because that's what my dad wanted me to be and I was trying so hard to impress him.
But I think I'm capable of being more than that. That there's a person in there my dad couldn't completely choke off. Somebody who just wants to have a good time with his friends, you know?
[Huaisang nods a little, heart aching because he identifies with that, and he lets it show on his face.] Yeah. I know that feeling. And my dad was really rough on me, too.
I think you can be whatever you want. I've found that ... if there's someone you want to be, you should just ... act like that person would, and do the things that person would, more and more, as much as you can. And you'll get closer to it.
Mm, I don't think it is. [Huaisang wrinkles his nose, but it's good-natured now, playfully ribbing Chris a tiny bit.] Terrible suit of armor. Real jerk.
You didn't like me, though. And I couldn't understand it. I couldn't figure out what you wanted, or what about me was bothering you so much. I ... need people to like me.
And trying to convince me that you were an imaginary version of yourself. It seems that you're a very creative person after all. All these imaginary people.
[Huaisang nods agreement, with a slightly hesitant little smirk.]
Yeah. I usually don't like people to see that until I know them well, but yes. I may be weak, but ... I always achieve my goals.
[He's as dangerous as Hands, and in a similar way, though Huaisang certainly hopes that they never have reason to work at cross purposes. Huaisang's gone up against an opponent every bit as smart and dangerous as Hands before.
Mm. [Huaisang nods, with a sad and shy little smile, thoughts faraway for a moment.
Shaking it off, he rises, leaning over to give Chris a soft kiss on his temple.] Stay.
[Leaving the room, he goes to where he left the fox toy in the other room, bringing it back and then returning to his spot on the couch. He stretches his legs back over Chris' lap, hugging the plushie.]
I'd rather just be cute, though. I don't want to have to be dangerous.
[He's starting to get used to Huaisang's legs in his lap. It feels like just the right fit.]
Yeah, I'm the same. I can kill people in a few thousand different ways and I've tried dozens of them, but I don't want to do it anymore. I never really did. I just want to be Chris.
[Huaisang shivers a bit at the thought of that much violence, but it's nothing new to him. Most of his friends are like that, always have been, and he's always been most drawn toward people like that, collecting them as protectors. He nods, hugging the fox in his arms tighter.]
Will you be able to? With Hands, I mean. I don't know what the terms of your employment are. [He'd just kind of assumed that Hands had hired him to be a heavy. He assumes--unstated but heavily implied--that Hands also collects dangerous people, though for Hands it's as tools for his goals rather than as protectors. Huaisang assumes that Hands must want to have people who would be willing and able to kill for him. Therefore, if he has a skilled and dangerous killer in his employ ... ]
I'm his bodyguard, not his attack dog. I'm not killing anyone for anyone anymore.
[Hands has been very fair and accommodating in his terms, and Chris isn't worried about any lines being violated. His job isn't an inherently violent one; in fact it's meant to deter violence.]
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It's... kind of how I've been for most of my life. Acting tough because that's what my dad wanted me to be and I was trying so hard to impress him.
But I think I'm capable of being more than that. That there's a person in there my dad couldn't completely choke off. Somebody who just wants to have a good time with his friends, you know?
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I think you can be whatever you want. I've found that ... if there's someone you want to be, you should just ... act like that person would, and do the things that person would, more and more, as much as you can. And you'll get closer to it.
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Still easy to fall back into the tough dickhead persona. It's a real nice suit of armor.
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The other guy, though. The not-terrible guy.
He's kind of sweet.
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[There's a tint of a smile.]
He's kind of a dork.
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A dork in what way? [Huaisang nudges at him, poking a finger against his arm.] Confess your dorkness.
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Oh, and I send cute plushies of foxes to dudes who dislike me because I'm kinda insecure.
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I don't know what any of those other words mean, though.
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And you're pretty likeable, so. You don't need to worry about that too much.
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The real you is way cuter than the imaginary you.
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[Huaisang shifts and stretches out his legs across Chris' lap as an expression of acceptance and trust, sipping at his drink.]
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You're not just cute, you're also very sharp, like that arctic fox. You're kinda stealth dangerous.
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Yeah. I usually don't like people to see that until I know them well, but yes. I may be weak, but ... I always achieve my goals.
[He's as dangerous as Hands, and in a similar way, though Huaisang certainly hopes that they never have reason to work at cross purposes. Huaisang's gone up against an opponent every bit as smart and dangerous as Hands before.
Huaisang won.]
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[For all of his scars, there are few losses to his name. He gets shit done.]
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Shaking it off, he rises, leaning over to give Chris a soft kiss on his temple.] Stay.
[Leaving the room, he goes to where he left the fox toy in the other room, bringing it back and then returning to his spot on the couch. He stretches his legs back over Chris' lap, hugging the plushie.]
I'd rather just be cute, though. I don't want to have to be dangerous.
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Yeah, I'm the same. I can kill people in a few thousand different ways and I've tried dozens of them, but I don't want to do it anymore. I never really did. I just want to be Chris.
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Will you be able to? With Hands, I mean. I don't know what the terms of your employment are. [He'd just kind of assumed that Hands had hired him to be a heavy. He assumes--unstated but heavily implied--that Hands also collects dangerous people, though for Hands it's as tools for his goals rather than as protectors. Huaisang assumes that Hands must want to have people who would be willing and able to kill for him. Therefore, if he has a skilled and dangerous killer in his employ ... ]
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[Hands has been very fair and accommodating in his terms, and Chris isn't worried about any lines being violated. His job isn't an inherently violent one; in fact it's meant to deter violence.]
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I like this dork version of Chris. He's not so bad.