[ As soon as those arms are around his neck, Dorian holds him by the waist and hefts him up into a small twirl. The way the fabric of that gown dances at the motion makes Huaisang look even more picturesque and then he’s being set down. ]
I believe it builds day by day, nurtured by love and doting Dominants.
[ he is well aware of his charms, but he’s never had such compliments be given to him like candy. ]
You’re generosity and dazzling appearance certainly outshine my handsomeness. Always so stunning, I can hardly contain the urge to strip and ravish you.
[ Dorian leans in to kiss up the length of Huaisang’s neck and stops just shy of his lips. ] But first I came to talk.
[Happily basking in the pleasure of those kisses, Huaisang's not to be denied when Dorian stops short of his lips. Anything Dorian wants to talk about is of course important, but so too are kisses!
Stealing a sweet but firm kiss from Dorian's lips, Huaisang grins as he pulls back.] Of course.
[Taking Dorian's hand loosely, Huaisang leads him into the parlor. In his mind, Conversations ought to be held over liquor or tea, and so he conducts most of his Conversations in the parlor or dining room accordingly.
Letting go so that Dorian can get himself settled, Huaisang pours a glass of wine for them both and then comes over to join him on the couch, sitting beside him with legs hooked over Dorian's lap as usual.]
[ Dorian smiles into that firm press of lips and releases Huaisang so they can move into the Parlor. The pour of wine and swing of legs over his own is unbelievably comfortable and he’s grateful his lover is such a wonderful host.
He runs a hand over one of Huaisang’s legs and sighs, swirling the wine in his glass. ]
I’ve come to you for advice and support- you love so easily [ Or maybe it’s that Dorian has charmed him with such ease, but he knows this Dominant has many wrapped around his fingers and eating from the palm of his hand. ] -and I couldn’t think of anyone better to talk to.
[Momentary surprise flickers over Huaisang's face at the words that he loves so easily.] I was resistant to love for so long after being hurt when I first arrived here. I thought I knew nothing of love and wasn't capable of it.
Lately it's become easy again. I've learned that it's supposed to be easy. [Smiling at Dorian with soft, warm adoration, Huaisang nods, his full attention on his lover.] I'll do my best for you. How can I help?
Do you remember when you called me over after that census and we talked about relationships?
[ Dorian is certain Huaisang remembers and sips from his glass, savoring the flavor before continuing. ]
There’s this young man that I’ve been courting... with success, but not without some difficulties. And he was not exactly pleased to discover I love more than one person in this city. [ Dorian’s shoulders slump slightly in memory of that conversation and he focuses more on rubbing at Huaisang’s legs than looking at his face. ]
And you are, without a doubt, one of those people that I love.
Oh, Dorian. [Huaisang sets his own glass aside so that he can loop both arms around Dorian's waist, hugging him tight.] My utmost sympathies. That must have been painful. [No matter how it had gone, that much seems a given based on Dorian's phrasing.]
[ Certain parts of courting Rhys had been difficult, but it was worth any misunderstandings and frustration. Rhys was worth it and the thought makes him smile and stroke his fingers through Huaisang’s hair. ]
As much as I adore you, I can’t have all of you or get too greedy. I won’t ask for you to give me your heart, but Maker have I always wanted to experience a love like that. Foolish, I know.
[ Dorian doesn’t feel like he deserves the sympathies Huaisang is showing him, not when he’s been throwing his heart around and hoping that it might stick. Now that it has, it comes with a lot more stress than he’d anticipated. ]
But he wants to be romantically exclusive and even though I know I shouldn’t... I’ve never been offered so much and I want to give it back. [ there’s fear in his eyes, but he wants to rise to the challenge and wraps his arms around Huaisang. ]
[Huaisang frowns worriedly. He's personally had such an awful experience with a situation just like this one, and he wants to save Dorian from that devastation, but he also wants him to be able to pursue what makes him most happy, and he knows that Dorian wants to have a person who loves him above all others and for whom he can reciprocate that.]
No, that's not foolish. I think everyone wants to experience a love like that. Most of my companions from home--six out of ten of us--are married or engaged to their soulmate, and it can be absolutely maddening sometimes. I don't typically get jealous, but there are days on which I want to throw things--where is mine?
But I don't--[Huaisang takes a deep breath and stops himself.] I'm sorry. You asked for my advice, but this isn't about me.
I have so many questions. [Huaisang furrows his brow, concerned for his friend and hoping that Dorian will be able to find happiness and keep his loves--both here and at home.]
You do have my heart. Does it... do you really think that it doesn't count if it's not exclusive?
[ the thought of Huaisang getting upset and throwing things, demanding for his own soulmate to appear is terribly endearing. Dorian is sure no number of lovers can fill that void, just like for himself and any others that pass their heart out so willingly.
He kisses the top of Huaisang’s head and smiles down at him. ]
I find it hard to imagine you not finding your fated one- especially with your looks and charm. [ just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen. ]
It counts and I tried to explain it to him. You aren’t splitting up bits of your heart with everyone you love, you’re giving yourself- equally. From you, I’m pleased to receive however much love and attention you can afford. I love and care for you regardless. [ Dorian feels warm with affection, drink set aside and attention fully on the man before him. ]
[Huaisang doesn't bother responding to the encouragement about finding a soulmate. It's sweet, but he takes it as just a compliment.]
Yes, exactly. But then--I don't understand. If you're giving your heart equally to everyone you love, then how is romantic exclusivity going to work? Surely you can't just stop loving me and Bull.
[Huaisang searches Dorian's eyes worriedly, concerned that's exactly what Dorian means.] I feel like trying to cut off love would be like trying to cut off a limb.
No, I don’t think I could ever stop loving you and Bull, even if I tried. I’ve been as open and honest with him as I have anyone I love, but he seems convinced that I’m holding back.
[ In some ways, he is, but it’s more out of respect than to keep things from Rhys. He was so quick to leave when he found out that Dorian had feelings for more than just him, what else will send him packing? The mage doesn’t know and doesn’t want to know and is actively thinking about all the good rather than the bad. ]
But you said he wants to be romantically exclusive and that you were considering that. And I know that's something you wanted. But... how would that even work, with your permanent contract with Bull? Wouldn't that require cutting him out of your life?
[Huaisang shakes his head, biting down on his lip to try and stop his worried interrogations.]
I'm sorry, Dorian. You said you wanted my advice and support and I'm just fussing at you instead. How can I help?
With Bull? [ Dorian's eyes widen slightly and then he drops his head some. ] No, even if I do care for him and have feelings for the Bull back in my world, I can't keep deluding myself. He is very good to me and he cares for me, but I'm not confident that it's love. If so much was required of me, I would never of even considered a relationship.
[ And this is the kind of feeling he had been trying to avoid. ] I'm not... changing. It's not as though he's ignorant of my charming ways and my more... intimate affairs.
[ He smiles and slides his hand a little higher up Huaisang's thigh, an inch or two above the knee. ] No need to apologize. I've not had anyone fuss over me before.
[Huaisang's brow furrows, still confused by what Dorian's saying. His legs hook a little tighter over Dorian's thighs.] Considered a ... are you saying you don't consider what we have to be a relationship?
I don't understand. Dorian... [There's a scared, plaintive note starting to come into Huaisang's voice as he gets an inkling of a feeling that this is already decided and Dorian's just trying to break it to him softly.] But if you're romantically exclusive, you're saying that you can fuck me but you can't be romantic with me?
That's not what I'm saying at all. [ Why is he good at talking about most things, but not feelings? ] I do consider what we have a relationship. It's just different than the one I have with him. It's different than what I have with The Iron Bull. Being with you makes me happy, there aren't any expectations, I feel like I can be myself and you'll love me all the more for it, but I also know that I'm not the only person you love.
[ He really doesn't want to say something that will paint Rhys in a bad light, just because their views are different doesn't make them wrong. ] I don't know how to be romantically or even emotionally exclusive and to want nothing but sex from you would be terribly rude and inconsiderate of your feelings.
[ All this talk is really making him want to grab that drink, but he'll wait until that look and tone leave Huaisang. ] I want... whatever I have with him to work, but I don't want to lose anyone in the process. [ Dorian is getting visibly frustrated, mostly at himself for getting tangled in this and at the situation for not being as easy as he thought it would be. ]
[Calmed by the clear explanation, Huaisang nods and gives Dorian's cheek a quick kiss to help reassure and soothe him.] Okay. That makes sense.
[Loosening his grip around Dorian's waist, Huaisang cups his hand against Dorian's jaw instead, gazing into his eyes.] We'll figure this out, Dorian. If he truly loves you, then he'll accept you as you are rather than making you change yourself to fit into what he deems acceptable.
So, assuming that's a given--that he truly loves you as you are or potentially could--let's figure out how to make this work. You wanted advice. Do you have specific questions for me?
I agree with that. [ Though there is the whole matter of Rhys giving everything and not getting everything in return. It's not fair to him, but Dorian never expected so much initially. It's almost easier accepting scraps and denying himself the entire pie. Just knowing that he's loved almost felt like enough. He doesn't have to be in a relationship with Rhys to care about him. Denying feelings had not worked for them in the past, so what would happen if he just carried on and Rhys decided to call their 'relationship' off because of it?
To some degree, that kiss and touch sooth him, but there's still conflict behind his stormy eyes. ]
Have you ever had lovers fight over you? I'm not talking about mine and Fenris' spats.
Yes. And it may end up coloring my opinions in this discussion.
I had a lover who was jealous and who asked me to be exclusive. Said he loved me, offered to marry me. Do you want the whole story? The short version, anyway.
[Huaisang nods and takes a deep breath. It's a lengthy saga, even abbreviated. He's glad to trust Dorian with his side of it, though he still doesn't want to bother his lover and doesn't want to make this all about himself--which is also to say that he prefers to conceal his own problems, burying them deep so that no one ever needs to know about them.]
When I first arrived here I was scared and alone and I encountered a man from my world, Xue Yang. He's a known serial killer, and I let him seduce me because I thought he might kill me if I didn't cooperate, but he was gentle instead and the sex was good.
He had a lover from home, Xiao Xingchen, who also arrived here. They were lovers--and I don't know the entire story but all the parts I know of it are awful--mostly because Xue Yang had lied to him while he was blind, and he was blind because Xue Yang had put out the eyes of Xingchen's partner, so Xingchen had given him his eyes, and then while he was separated from his partner, Xue Yang pretended to be someone else and seduced him. Later, Xue Yang killed the partner and enslaved him with necromancy. When Xingchen found out, he killed himself.
Here, Xingchen told me that he knew. At first I didn't question it. [Huaisang shakes his head, deeply sunken inside himself as he recounts the story.] The two of them invited me into a relationship. They were sweet to me, but Xingchen was always ... distracted. I felt more like a fond pet or a child he cared for more than a lover who shared his heart. My relationship with Xue Yang was more intense, and at first it was wonderful, he was attentive, but then...
I flirted with Rafa over the network. You know Rafa? And Xue Yang got jealous. I agreed to be exclusive since it was clearly important to him. I spoke to Rafa a few more times and we couldn't stop flirting, so I eventually told him we couldn't be friends.
And then, this place... this place being what it is. I found myself in several different situations where I was struck by aphrodisiacs or heat, and I was taken by force more than once. The violation of it was awful and traumatizing, but it was layered with guilt because part of me had wanted it. Not just the want that was induced by the aphrodisiacs, and how could I tell what was my own want and what was the city? So I asked Xue Yang--and at this point we were having vicious yelling match arguments about every week or two--to release me from the promise. He agreed, and then vanished for two weeks, and when he returned he told me that he and Xingchen had decided that if I didn't want to be exclusive they'd just be exclusive without me.
I was... devastated. Broken-hearted. They'd said they loved me, but then they cast me off so easily. They'd asked me to marry them. And then instead they married without me a few weeks after we broke up. So quickly... it made me feel as though they’d never loved me at all. That if what they had was love, then clearly I wasn’t capable of it, and probably unlovable.
I’d been such a romantic when I first came here. Mooning on endlessly about romantic operas I’d seen performed back home, sagas that I’d read, wistful poems. All of that was destroyed in me. It’s only starting to come back now. For months I didn’t believe in love at all, and I rather felt I didn’t need it. I had fun, and friends, and people I cared about, and I didn’t regret them for a minute. I’ve never regretted losing them. I felt only relief to be freed from those restrictions and expectations. I’d tried to compromise for them, but they’d never tried to compromise for me. They only demanded that I fit into their requirements, that I give them my whole heart.
This past… [A soft, sad laugh.] week, I suppose. I finally, for the first time, believe that I understand what love is. Love is trust. It’s the opposite of restrictions and requirements. It’s not unconditional devotion, but it’s a give and take based upon trust, and it’s easy. It’s the easiest thing in the world. People are messy and complicated, and relationships are hard, and even though love is trust which negates jealousy, people get insecure and paranoid and jealous, and then they lose sight of love.
But that’s my new guiding principle. Love is trust.
And Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen can go choke on a bucket of rusty daggers.
[ Dorian listens quietly, sips at his wine and soothingly rubs at whatever bit of Huaisang he can reach, squeezing a foot or shoulder and running nonsensical circles with his fingertips over a hand.
It's difficult to imagine Huaisang having a yelling match with anyone, but as the story continues, he's certain more was deserved than that. What he has is different, Rhys is soft and complicated and Dorian is eager to raise to the challenge of growing the love they have. He wants to nurture and give all that he's got and he knows that's already what he's doing, but there are expectations and the thought of them hook into his free spirit in a worrying way. He's allowed to flirt and be himself. If any restrictions make him unhappy or uncomfortable, he knows to tell Rhys. Better to not let things fester, especially when those things could lead to further complications and pain.
Sympathy marks the mage's face, but he smiles in understanding. Huaisang has learned and grown stronger from what has happened to him. ]
Thank you for sharing. [ Dorian smiles, warm and adoring. ]
I'm not at all fond of rules and restrictions, especially in matters concerning relationships and love. Maybe that's another reason we get along so swimmingly- had more than enough of that growing up.
[Xingchen had been soft, too. So soft and sad and hurt when he'd said, I don't understand why you would do this. It was an enormous part of what had left Huaisang guilty and self-loathing for so long, what had taken him so long to acknowledge that he alone didn't bear the guilt, that he wasn't broken for not being satisfied with someone soft and kind and loving--and someone playful and affectionate and loving combined in the bargain.]
I love you. [Huaisang nestles close, pressing his face into Dorian's shoulder like he's trying to hide there.] It's you and Jiang Cheng, do you know that? I have a dozen lovers and romantic or erotic friends, but love, in love with, significant romance, it's ... it's you and Jiang Cheng up at the top.
[ As soon as Huaisang nestled in, Dorian embraces him, holds him close and presses soft kisses to the side of his head. He’s always so caring and considerate, it’s hard imagining him any other way. ]
No, I didn’t know that, but I love you too. [ he doesn’t even mind being one of two that Huaisang is in real, significant love with. Even if he cares, he doesn’t pry and make Huaisang’s personal business and affairs any of his business. Not unless he has to get involved or it’s made his business. ]
I just wanted you to know. That you're special. That you're wonderful. That I trust you and rely upon you and knowing that I'm going to see you makes my whole day brighter. [Beaming, Huaisang snuggles happily with him, so grateful just to be here and loved.] My Dorian. I'm so glad that I've met you and have had the opportunity to love you.
[ Dorian snuggles him close, warmed by Huaisang’s words and feeling just as special as his lover claims. Honestly, he still doesn’t know what to do and doesn’t like having to choose. He just wants to be happy and if he can make anyone else feel the same just by being close then what’s so wrong with that?
There’s a great deal of turmoil stirring in his heart, even if he feels so warm and affectionate. Rhys have him time to sort this all out, but here he is, not sorting out a damn thing. If anything, visiting and talking with Huaisang just has him falling deeper in love. ]
My heart aches just thinking of denying myself any little bit of you. [ Dorian sighs and in that sigh there is a heavy and unspoken, 'What do I do?' ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I believe it builds day by day, nurtured by love and doting Dominants.
[ he is well aware of his charms, but he’s never had such compliments be given to him like candy. ]
You’re generosity and dazzling appearance certainly outshine my handsomeness. Always so stunning, I can hardly contain the urge to strip and ravish you.
[ Dorian leans in to kiss up the length of Huaisang’s neck and stops just shy of his lips. ] But first I came to talk.
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Stealing a sweet but firm kiss from Dorian's lips, Huaisang grins as he pulls back.] Of course.
[Taking Dorian's hand loosely, Huaisang leads him into the parlor. In his mind, Conversations ought to be held over liquor or tea, and so he conducts most of his Conversations in the parlor or dining room accordingly.
Letting go so that Dorian can get himself settled, Huaisang pours a glass of wine for them both and then comes over to join him on the couch, sitting beside him with legs hooked over Dorian's lap as usual.]
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He runs a hand over one of Huaisang’s legs and sighs, swirling the wine in his glass. ]
I’ve come to you for advice and support- you love so easily [ Or maybe it’s that Dorian has charmed him with such ease, but he knows this Dominant has many wrapped around his fingers and eating from the palm of his hand. ] -and I couldn’t think of anyone better to talk to.
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Lately it's become easy again. I've learned that it's supposed to be easy. [Smiling at Dorian with soft, warm adoration, Huaisang nods, his full attention on his lover.] I'll do my best for you. How can I help?
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[ Dorian is certain Huaisang remembers and sips from his glass, savoring the flavor before continuing. ]
There’s this young man that I’ve been courting... with success, but not without some difficulties. And he was not exactly pleased to discover I love more than one person in this city. [ Dorian’s shoulders slump slightly in memory of that conversation and he focuses more on rubbing at Huaisang’s legs than looking at his face. ]
And you are, without a doubt, one of those people that I love.
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My poor darling. Are you all right?
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[ Certain parts of courting Rhys had been difficult, but it was worth any misunderstandings and frustration. Rhys was worth it and the thought makes him smile and stroke his fingers through Huaisang’s hair. ]
As much as I adore you, I can’t have all of you or get too greedy. I won’t ask for you to give me your heart, but Maker have I always wanted to experience a love like that. Foolish, I know.
[ Dorian doesn’t feel like he deserves the sympathies Huaisang is showing him, not when he’s been throwing his heart around and hoping that it might stick. Now that it has, it comes with a lot more stress than he’d anticipated. ]
But he wants to be romantically exclusive and even though I know I shouldn’t... I’ve never been offered so much and I want to give it back. [ there’s fear in his eyes, but he wants to rise to the challenge and wraps his arms around Huaisang. ]
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No, that's not foolish. I think everyone wants to experience a love like that. Most of my companions from home--six out of ten of us--are married or engaged to their soulmate, and it can be absolutely maddening sometimes. I don't typically get jealous, but there are days on which I want to throw things--where is mine?
But I don't--[Huaisang takes a deep breath and stops himself.] I'm sorry. You asked for my advice, but this isn't about me.
I have so many questions. [Huaisang furrows his brow, concerned for his friend and hoping that Dorian will be able to find happiness and keep his loves--both here and at home.]
You do have my heart. Does it... do you really think that it doesn't count if it's not exclusive?
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He kisses the top of Huaisang’s head and smiles down at him. ]
I find it hard to imagine you not finding your fated one- especially with your looks and charm. [ just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen. ]
It counts and I tried to explain it to him. You aren’t splitting up bits of your heart with everyone you love, you’re giving yourself- equally. From you, I’m pleased to receive however much love and attention you can afford. I love and care for you regardless. [ Dorian feels warm with affection, drink set aside and attention fully on the man before him. ]
Ask whatever questions you like.
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Yes, exactly. But then--I don't understand. If you're giving your heart equally to everyone you love, then how is romantic exclusivity going to work? Surely you can't just stop loving me and Bull.
[Huaisang searches Dorian's eyes worriedly, concerned that's exactly what Dorian means.] I feel like trying to cut off love would be like trying to cut off a limb.
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[ In some ways, he is, but it’s more out of respect than to keep things from Rhys. He was so quick to leave when he found out that Dorian had feelings for more than just him, what else will send him packing? The mage doesn’t know and doesn’t want to know and is actively thinking about all the good rather than the bad. ]
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[Huaisang shakes his head, biting down on his lip to try and stop his worried interrogations.]
I'm sorry, Dorian. You said you wanted my advice and support and I'm just fussing at you instead. How can I help?
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[ And this is the kind of feeling he had been trying to avoid. ] I'm not... changing. It's not as though he's ignorant of my charming ways and my more... intimate affairs.
[ He smiles and slides his hand a little higher up Huaisang's thigh, an inch or two above the knee. ] No need to apologize. I've not had anyone fuss over me before.
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I don't understand. Dorian... [There's a scared, plaintive note starting to come into Huaisang's voice as he gets an inkling of a feeling that this is already decided and Dorian's just trying to break it to him softly.] But if you're romantically exclusive, you're saying that you can fuck me but you can't be romantic with me?
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[ He really doesn't want to say something that will paint Rhys in a bad light, just because their views are different doesn't make them wrong. ] I don't know how to be romantically or even emotionally exclusive and to want nothing but sex from you would be terribly rude and inconsiderate of your feelings.
[ All this talk is really making him want to grab that drink, but he'll wait until that look and tone leave Huaisang. ] I want... whatever I have with him to work, but I don't want to lose anyone in the process. [ Dorian is getting visibly frustrated, mostly at himself for getting tangled in this and at the situation for not being as easy as he thought it would be. ]
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[Loosening his grip around Dorian's waist, Huaisang cups his hand against Dorian's jaw instead, gazing into his eyes.] We'll figure this out, Dorian. If he truly loves you, then he'll accept you as you are rather than making you change yourself to fit into what he deems acceptable.
So, assuming that's a given--that he truly loves you as you are or potentially could--let's figure out how to make this work. You wanted advice. Do you have specific questions for me?
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To some degree, that kiss and touch sooth him, but there's still conflict behind his stormy eyes. ]
Have you ever had lovers fight over you? I'm not talking about mine and Fenris' spats.
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I had a lover who was jealous and who asked me to be exclusive. Said he loved me, offered to marry me. Do you want the whole story? The short version, anyway.
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[ Dorian already knows that Huaisang had a bad experience with exclusivity, but that doesn’t change his curiosity. ]
The whole story or as much as you’re comfortable sharing with me.
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When I first arrived here I was scared and alone and I encountered a man from my world, Xue Yang. He's a known serial killer, and I let him seduce me because I thought he might kill me if I didn't cooperate, but he was gentle instead and the sex was good.
He had a lover from home, Xiao Xingchen, who also arrived here. They were lovers--and I don't know the entire story but all the parts I know of it are awful--mostly because Xue Yang had lied to him while he was blind, and he was blind because Xue Yang had put out the eyes of Xingchen's partner, so Xingchen had given him his eyes, and then while he was separated from his partner, Xue Yang pretended to be someone else and seduced him. Later, Xue Yang killed the partner and enslaved him with necromancy. When Xingchen found out, he killed himself.
Here, Xingchen told me that he knew. At first I didn't question it. [Huaisang shakes his head, deeply sunken inside himself as he recounts the story.] The two of them invited me into a relationship. They were sweet to me, but Xingchen was always ... distracted. I felt more like a fond pet or a child he cared for more than a lover who shared his heart. My relationship with Xue Yang was more intense, and at first it was wonderful, he was attentive, but then...
I flirted with Rafa over the network. You know Rafa? And Xue Yang got jealous. I agreed to be exclusive since it was clearly important to him. I spoke to Rafa a few more times and we couldn't stop flirting, so I eventually told him we couldn't be friends.
And then, this place... this place being what it is. I found myself in several different situations where I was struck by aphrodisiacs or heat, and I was taken by force more than once. The violation of it was awful and traumatizing, but it was layered with guilt because part of me had wanted it. Not just the want that was induced by the aphrodisiacs, and how could I tell what was my own want and what was the city? So I asked Xue Yang--and at this point we were having vicious yelling match arguments about every week or two--to release me from the promise. He agreed, and then vanished for two weeks, and when he returned he told me that he and Xingchen had decided that if I didn't want to be exclusive they'd just be exclusive without me.
I was... devastated. Broken-hearted. They'd said they loved me, but then they cast me off so easily. They'd asked me to marry them. And then instead they married without me a few weeks after we broke up. So quickly... it made me feel as though they’d never loved me at all. That if what they had was love, then clearly I wasn’t capable of it, and probably unlovable.
I’d been such a romantic when I first came here. Mooning on endlessly about romantic operas I’d seen performed back home, sagas that I’d read, wistful poems. All of that was destroyed in me. It’s only starting to come back now. For months I didn’t believe in love at all, and I rather felt I didn’t need it. I had fun, and friends, and people I cared about, and I didn’t regret them for a minute. I’ve never regretted losing them. I felt only relief to be freed from those restrictions and expectations. I’d tried to compromise for them, but they’d never tried to compromise for me. They only demanded that I fit into their requirements, that I give them my whole heart.
This past… [A soft, sad laugh.] week, I suppose. I finally, for the first time, believe that I understand what love is. Love is trust. It’s the opposite of restrictions and requirements. It’s not unconditional devotion, but it’s a give and take based upon trust, and it’s easy. It’s the easiest thing in the world. People are messy and complicated, and relationships are hard, and even though love is trust which negates jealousy, people get insecure and paranoid and jealous, and then they lose sight of love.
But that’s my new guiding principle. Love is trust.
And Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen can go choke on a bucket of rusty daggers.
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It's difficult to imagine Huaisang having a yelling match with anyone, but as the story continues, he's certain more was deserved than that. What he has is different, Rhys is soft and complicated and Dorian is eager to raise to the challenge of growing the love they have. He wants to nurture and give all that he's got and he knows that's already what he's doing, but there are expectations and the thought of them hook into his free spirit in a worrying way. He's allowed to flirt and be himself. If any restrictions make him unhappy or uncomfortable, he knows to tell Rhys. Better to not let things fester, especially when those things could lead to further complications and pain.
Sympathy marks the mage's face, but he smiles in understanding. Huaisang has learned and grown stronger from what has happened to him. ]
Thank you for sharing. [ Dorian smiles, warm and adoring. ]
I'm not at all fond of rules and restrictions, especially in matters concerning relationships and love. Maybe that's another reason we get along so swimmingly- had more than enough of that growing up.
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I love you. [Huaisang nestles close, pressing his face into Dorian's shoulder like he's trying to hide there.] It's you and Jiang Cheng, do you know that? I have a dozen lovers and romantic or erotic friends, but love, in love with, significant romance, it's ... it's you and Jiang Cheng up at the top.
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No, I didn’t know that, but I love you too. [ he doesn’t even mind being one of two that Huaisang is in real, significant love with. Even if he cares, he doesn’t pry and make Huaisang’s personal business and affairs any of his business. Not unless he has to get involved or it’s made his business. ]
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There’s a great deal of turmoil stirring in his heart, even if he feels so warm and affectionate. Rhys have him time to sort this all out, but here he is, not sorting out a damn thing. If anything, visiting and talking with Huaisang just has him falling deeper in love. ]
My heart aches just thinking of denying myself any little bit of you. [ Dorian sighs and in that sigh there is a heavy and unspoken, 'What do I do?' ]
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