"I was upset to hear him make such claims about Huaisang, so came here to speak with him directly." Such a messy misunderstanding. Dorian crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. He has complete confidence that Huaisang will not hurt of humiliate him, but is it with Meng Yao? A contract? Just play?
Meng Yao's eyes twitch and flicker away at the snap of the fan. Once he would've found it exasperating and amusing, but now it just makes him wary and anxious. It doesn't matter how far along he and Huaisang have come here; Meng Yao was the kind of person who was always hyperawre of the power imbalances in life, and especially between himself and his peers.
Slowly he looks at Huaisang though, frowning slightly. He doesn't feel guilty about his own doubts about Huaisang, since clearly Huaisang still had plenty about him.
"A-Sang," he begins, in a tone that suggests he's disappointed in him, not sure if Huaisang truly believes Meng Yao has knowingly twisted Bull's perception of him, or if he's just latching onto the most convenient scapegoat. "I have only ever discussed my own crimes with The Iron Bull. He asked about the strangeness of our relationship and I told him the things I had done. I have never told him of any punishments you've given me, how I felt about them, or if I thought they were deserved or not. Any conclusions he made beyond knowing I find the clothing embarrassing were on his own, seperate from myself."
I want my name cleared, Meng Yao, Huaisang had said, and though he carefully keeps his expression schooled, on the inside he can't help but smile. Does the thought of building a successful life from the ground up, clawing as high as you can go, only to have it torn down because of one man's all-too-astute observations make you uncomfortable, A-Sang? He thinks to himself, viciously amused.
Huaisang frowns slightly, finding Meng Yao's response to be unexpected. "I'm surprised you discussed your past with him. I've kept my promise on that topic."
He hesitates for a moment, tentatively edging around what he wants to say next. "I'm proud of you for facing such topics."
Huaisang's fan snaps. He's still irritable about this entire situation. "Charlotte's unpleasantness has already been awful enough. She's doing plenty to smear my name, I don't need it compounded with misconceptions. Explain to the Iron Bull urgently. Right now, explain to Dorian. You don't have to be complimentary about me, just be honest."
"Well, now I feel left out." Dorian teases despite this not at all being the time for it. Huaisang is keeping a secret and hasn't told him? Is it because he never asked or just plain out of respect for Meng Yao? Either way, the mage doesn't look insulted for not being included. It's not his business and a smile threatens to tug at the corner of his lips.
He's just glad to be hearing this from Meng Yao, even if it is being a bit... pressured.
The praise from Huaisang catches him a bit off guard and he pauses, expression softening somewhat as he looks at the other man. "I-- Yes, I'm aware. And I'm thankful for it. He's the only one I've told anything to." He's not entirely sure why himself, other than the fact Bull easily poked and prodded at every bruise Meng Yao hadn't known he'd had still, and had seen through his attempts to lie about it until Meng Yao had just given up lying.
The copious amounts of wine Meng Yao had been drinking probably helped on that front too. "It seems little point in hiding these things from either of them now, though." 'Them' being Dorian and Bull. Fenris could probably be included in that, if Meng Yao was at all aware of his existence. "Or others if they truly ask about us."
The permission Huaisang gives him is a powerful thing and he knows they're both very aware of that. He's quiet for a moment longer before he exhales slowly and looks to Dorian again, bowing his head slightly in a nod of acknowledgement that he exists still. "Master Dorian, I believe I've spoken a little about Huaisang before. He's delicate in many ways. He's lazy and can be terribly unmotivated about anything that doesn't strike his fancy or can't hold his interest longer than a few seconds. He doesn't dole out punishments on a whim and he abhors violence."
Meng Yao spreads his hands in a helpless gesture and shrugs, shaking his head. "The only exception is in how he might treat me at times, but our relationship is... complicated. What goes on between the two of us isn't necessarily an indicator of Huaisang's personality as a whole or how he will act towards others.
Either way, Huaisang has a strong sense of justice. He won't punish more than is necessary, if he even thinks it is. If he's called for help against someone, regardless of the reason, I can assure you the designations of Dominant or Submissive aren't on his mind. He would likely have demanded the Lady Charlotte to be arrested regardless of is she was a Submissive or not. If there was excessive force to her removal, I hardly believe that Huaisang can be held accountable for the actions of others acting on what they believe to be his best interests."
Huaisang's fan continues moving as Meng Yao talks, but it slows, becoming more indolent as he listens. The faults that are included are accurate, and Huaisang takes no offense at them. He'd given the permission he had for a reason. Though Huaisang keeps many secrets and is guarded about his past and his privacy, he wants Dorian to have honesty from the two of them, and he doesn't mind his own faults.
When Meng Yao finishes, Huaisang points his fan toward him and looks up at Dorian as if to say 'there, you see? point made.'
"Thank you, A-Yao," he says aloud, lifting his chin with prim pride. If people are going to hate him, he'd prefer that it be for his actual faults.
Dorian sighs after having listened to Meng Yao tell him what he already knows and believes and as such, his expression hardly changes. It’s not him that truly doubted intentions, he merely came for confirmation and to feel better for having acted hastily towards Charlotte.
“If I had any inclination that he might abuse his power, I never would have agreed to wearing this charm.” He finally says, reaching up to gently tap the snake cuff running along his ear.
“Bull doesn’t trust Huaisang and simply thinks I’m going to see things the way he wants me to. That I’m going to be roped into messes that Huaisang is more than capable of cleaning up, but he instead chooses to cower and cry and act weak. If I thought him just a pretty face and incapable of being grown and handling issues with business and personal relations, I never would have gotten this close to him.”
Meng Yao can't help but look amused. "You'll see exactly how much Huaisang wants you to see. Nothing more, and nothing less.
Bull not trusting huaisang doesn't surprise him either, but he smiles slightly at Dorian. Nevermind that he had no idea Bull and him were together at all, or even just friends, Meng Yao figures he knows what to say here. "Bull is protective and cares for you very much. So long as he doesn't act against Huaisang, I see no reason to be angry or upset with him; I would rejoice, if I were you, to have someone who cared about my well-being so deeply. After all, it's better that he cares too much, as opposed to not caring at all, isn't it?"
He tilts his head slightly. "Besides... Skepticism can be healthy. Questioning things keeps you alive and alert. I'm sure Huaisang, too, harbors no ill will for any of this." He looks to Huaisang then as if to say, 'right?'
As pleased and smug as Huaisang had been for a moment, his face falls at Dorian's comments, and it falls worse at Meng Yao's. He's tired, and it's been a long two days of being insulted and doubted. He no longer knows what to do or to say to make it all turn out right. He doesn't know what either of them expect of him, and both of their statements make him feel pushed into a corner.
"No," he says, petulant and defensive. He shuts his fan, gripping it tight, and hunches his shoulders. All of this has been exhausting, and he doesn't have any energy to keep being a problem-solving diplomat. He just wants to get back to the part where Dorian had been comforting him and reassuring him as he cried. Dorian's words make him feel shamed for having cried, and he's still stinging with Charlotte shaming him for his gowns, and Charlotte misrepresenting him harshly on the network, and he just wants to go hide under the covers. "Why shouldn't I harbor ill will if he's starting rumors about me without evidence? Fine, he can be skeptical, but he should have asked me, or you"--this at Meng Yao--"since you're the one he imagines that I've wronged. I will harbor ill will until he apologizes to me. And I won't call you"--this to Dorian--"to help me with my messes anymore. You won't have to see me cower and cry and act weak if you hate it so much."
Tears spilling down his cheeks, Huaisang stands up suddenly, intending to storm off to his bedroom and hide under the covers if no one prevents him.
Meng Yao is right, Dorian is pleased that Bull cares, but it’s his concern that brought up this visit and current conversation. Meng Yao will hopefully speak to Bull about this misunderstanding if it’s not made obvious to him already. But when neither of their words ease Huaisang’s mood, Dorian catches up to him quickly. There’s no way he’s letting the man leave like that.
He shoots Meng Yao an apologetic glance as he rushes to grab Huaisang by his arms, pulling the man’s back to his chest.
“Bull isn’t spreading rumors about you. I didn’t like what I heard and it’s why I came to you directly. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I don’t think any less of you for what you’ve done. And I most certainly do not hate you.” Sure Huaisang was a bit... overdramatic, but Dorian enjoyed it and how shameless the man was in expressing how he felt. To him, it’s not an act and he realizes now, after the man’s reaction that that was how his words were perceived.
He did try to insist that Bull speak to Huaisang, but since the conversation was cut short between them, Dorian isn’t so sure his Dominant will make amends.
Meng Yao doesn’t move, watching with his hands folded in front of him and an impassive look on his face. He hardly even flinches when Huaisang’s teary dramatics start, more interested in seeing how Dorian reacts to it.
He doubts Bull will reconsider his stance. He doubts even more that Bull will be pleased this spiraled like this regardless, but what can they do now? Inwardly he sighs and he wanders over towards the pair.
“A-Sang, aiya, what are we going to do with you?” But his tone is fond and he reaches up to smooth a hand over Huaisang’s hair. “The only one spreading rumors is that horrible Charlotte. She’s the one you should focus your upset feelings on.”
He glances around, considering. “Why don’t you go lay down—it’s been a dreadfully long day. Dorian and I will bring you wine and stay with you until you sleep.”
Huaisang's glad to be caught. He's not used to it, not like this. Dorian isn't angry with him, he's simply there, refusing to let Huaisang be alone.
Relaxing back against Dorian's chest, Huaisang lets himself be held. He'd expected Dorian to be angry or exasperated with him. Huaisang's friends and family have always just let him alone when he's fussy, waiting until he's settled down enough to be pleasant and charming again.
He's surprised to discover that Dorian might actually love him, not just the charming veneer that almost everyone enjoys. He doesn't know how to deal with that. He doesn't usually let people get past the charming veneer.
"Thank you, san ge," Huaisang says, ducking his head slightly away from the caress. Dorian's genuine comfort has been more effective, and Huaisang wants to dig deeper into it, which makes him uninterested in Meng Yao's usual pandering comfort. "You may go. I'm sure er ge is worrying over you. Thank you for coming so promptly. Please speak to the Iron Bull as soon as you're able."
Dorian dislikes complications and this whole ordeal has been a headache, likely more for Huaisang than anyone else. If Bull hadn't reached out to him on the matter... that train of thought is dropped, it's a pile of unpleasant he doesn't want to dig into. It's so much easier to believe that Bull simply cared about him because of the misconception that Meng Yao was upset about being humiliated by Huaisang.
People aren't always as they seem. He may not know the details of these two's complex relationship, but he knows it's likely too much to discuss at present. Especially when it's supposed to be a promise, is legitimately none of his business and Huaisang is already so upset.
But the mage is angry and swallows it down like bile while he holds his love steady to his chest, trying to be comforting as best he can. Even if he's stopped him from running away to cry in private, the man in his arms seems closed off and Dorian suspects that he will be dismissed shortly. It pains him to think about and he clenches his jaw, grip loosening slightly and eyes cast down at the ground.
Huaisang sags a little in Dorian's loosened grip. He trusts Dorian to hold him up, and if he's let go, he will sink to the floor. He knows that, and doesn't mind it.
Once Meng Yao has gone, Huaisang sighs softly, tipping his head back onto Dorian's shoulder. He has far more emotions roiling inside of him than he knows what to deal with, but he feels immense gratitude and affection toward Dorian at the moment, and that's his priority. "Can we go upstairs and cuddle?" he asks, voice soft and hesitant. "You can ask whatever else you want."
If he feels Huaisang using his hold for support, Dorian maintains his grip enough to prevent him sinking to the floor. The mage hears that sigh, feels the weight against him and swallows, eyes only leaving the ground when Huaisang suggests that they go cuddle.
He's in no mood to cuddle, he wants to shout and drink until his throat is numb. But he doubts Huaisang has anything strong enough and any shouting would upset the man further.
"If that's what you want." Dorian makes no move to carry the Dominant and releases him enough to see if he'll be guided up to the room he's so familiar with.
"To talk and for you to listen to me." Dorian has met no one else who is nearly so spoiled and theatrical, he worries that he'll say something again and Huaisang will cry and feel attacked and insulted. "I realize you're upset and it was not my intention to upset you." The sigh he lets out is frustrated, but other than tension in his brows and shoulders, his body language is slow, gentle and intentional. Both hands lowers to settle on Huaisang's hips and he presses his lips to each of those tear-streaked cheeks.
Huaisang nods at Dorian's words, swallowing hard but not looking away. His lover's patience with him is surprising and impressive, and Huaisang's shocked at how clear it is that Dorian's putting Huaisang's needs before his own. Even now, when Huaisang doesn't think he's lovable at all. His gaze is faithful and attentive, still studying Dorian's face. "Do you really... do you really still love me even if I'm weak and cowardly and a crybaby?"
"Of course. Not everyone is made to be brave and powerful. I rather enjoy how open you are with your tears." He reaches up to grab Huaisang's jaw, grasp tight, but not bruising as he lifts the man's face and stares him straight in the eyes.
"That being said- I will not be manipulated and used. I am no ones to command, designations be damned. I came to your aid because I wanted to. Because I love you. It's not a lack of trust in your judgement, but I take offense that you seem to think I cannot make my own. The same goes for The Iron Bull." It's this topic that seems to be upsetting him the most. He had done so well to be sparing with his magic, using it against no one and practicing where it was safe and wouldn't be deemed a threat. Of course the first and only time he casts a spell of his own will and it displeases The Iron Bull, because of course it does.
The hold of his hand softens on Huaisang's face until he's gently pinching his chin.
Huaisang frowns at that tighter grip and the stern words. There's a slight tug against Dorian's grip, just the instinct to recoil and tuck his chin, wanting to curl defensively into himself against such forthright scolding.
"I didn't," Huaisang mumbles, eyes hurt and expression sulky. His first instinct is to further their earlier quarrel--he'd assessed the situation and had made the request he had in order to prevent further damage to his business. But perhaps Dorian would have felt better if he'd stopped Charlotte's hateful ranting rather than preventing it, so that there was no one to vouch for its existence but Huaisang--and Lucy, he hoped.
He thought he understood--Dorian was more angry at himself than at Huaisang, because he hadn't taken the moment to assess before he obeyed, so all responsibility for his choice fell on Huaisang. A choice that Bull was now questioning, and Dorian could make no defense but Huaisang told me to, and I trust him.
"I understand." Huaisang drops his eyes, still pouting but not doing anything to resist Dorian's grip. His brow is furrowed, unhappiness and regret in his expression. "I didn't use you. You're my defender, not my pawn."
He did not come here to pit his two favorite Dominants against one another. With how observant and skilled Bull is, he'll likely hear about all of this and Dorian is certain that it will be brought up to him again. A conversation he's well-prepared for so long as the Bull doesn't cut off communication before he's said his piece. Just because he got irritated did not make him unreasonable. Tonight he is not going back home and he is not staying at Huaisang's.
"I know you didn't. That is not what I'm saying. I will fight to keep you safe, I will come to watch over you and make sure no one brings you harm if you feel you're being threatened. I regret freezing the woman, it's true. I should have heard her out before acting so hastily. I'll admit, I got excited and I wish she would have drawn a blade or attempted violence so I could have done her worse..." Dorian clears his throat and slides his hand lower so he can gently cup and massage the base of Huaisang's neck. "But in the future, I will act with more consideration first. If you feel that I'm not good enough, if you don't trust me to defend you then please take the cuff off me."
Huaisang nods, though he lightly brushes off Dorian's caressing hand, guiding it back down to his waist. His emotions are a muddle right now, but he doesn't want to be soothed, just held. "I agree. I didn't expect you to act so quickly, but I didn't think of it as anything amiss at the time. It would have been better if you'd taken a moment to assess. Perhaps then you would have chosen a different course of action, but I know absolutely that you would have acted in my best interests whatever you decided. I didn't mean to doubt you when you said that you'd take more care in the future--I thought you meant something like listening to both sides because you didn't trust my word. You meant taking a moment to assess so that you could choose the most appropriate course of action. And because you didn't, it's put you in a difficult position in regards to the Iron Bull's doubts."
Huaisang lowers his eyes to Dorian's chest, chewing softly on his lower lip. He's so tired. He just wants to be loved, not doubted. He wants a reprieve from this week of having to tiptoe so carefully through situations and still having them blow up in his face. He just wants to be surface-level and pleasant, a pretty face without a thought in his head. "I'll do everything I can to help you track down more answers regarding the situation, whatever you need."
"Bull doesn't like magic. Regardless of the fact that I didn't harm Charlotte, I did use my magic on someone." If Huaisang wants to be held, then that's what Dorian does, hand resting on his waist.
"I acted and put myself in this situation. This is my mess to clean up. I don't care if Bull's opinion of you is dependent on those accusations, baseless or not, I couldn't just hear him say such things and not get your word on it. For disturbing your evening and causing you such distress- I apologize. It was not my intention."
"You didn't disturb my evening. You're important to me. I'm always going to make time if you need me for any reason."
Huaisang hesitates, studying Dorian's expression warily. It feels like he's wrapping this conversation up so that he can leave, and that makes Huaisang dread that maybe he's not forgiven after all. "Are you... are you leaving?"
For the first time this evening, Dorian's expression softens and he holds Huaisang close, hands looping behind the small of his back, fingers interlocking. "No. I do have plans to drink myself into a stupor, but they aren't at all time-sensitive." A playful smile touches his lips and he leans in close enough to kiss, but doesn't do so yet. "Would you care to join me?"
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Slowly he looks at Huaisang though, frowning slightly. He doesn't feel guilty about his own doubts about Huaisang, since clearly Huaisang still had plenty about him.
"A-Sang," he begins, in a tone that suggests he's disappointed in him, not sure if Huaisang truly believes Meng Yao has knowingly twisted Bull's perception of him, or if he's just latching onto the most convenient scapegoat. "I have only ever discussed my own crimes with The Iron Bull. He asked about the strangeness of our relationship and I told him the things I had done. I have never told him of any punishments you've given me, how I felt about them, or if I thought they were deserved or not. Any conclusions he made beyond knowing I find the clothing embarrassing were on his own, seperate from myself."
I want my name cleared, Meng Yao, Huaisang had said, and though he carefully keeps his expression schooled, on the inside he can't help but smile. Does the thought of building a successful life from the ground up, clawing as high as you can go, only to have it torn down because of one man's all-too-astute observations make you uncomfortable, A-Sang? He thinks to himself, viciously amused.
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He hesitates for a moment, tentatively edging around what he wants to say next. "I'm proud of you for facing such topics."
Huaisang's fan snaps. He's still irritable about this entire situation. "Charlotte's unpleasantness has already been awful enough. She's doing plenty to smear my name, I don't need it compounded with misconceptions. Explain to the Iron Bull urgently. Right now, explain to Dorian. You don't have to be complimentary about me, just be honest."
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He's just glad to be hearing this from Meng Yao, even if it is being a bit... pressured.
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The copious amounts of wine Meng Yao had been drinking probably helped on that front too. "It seems little point in hiding these things from either of them now, though." 'Them' being Dorian and Bull. Fenris could probably be included in that, if Meng Yao was at all aware of his existence. "Or others if they truly ask about us."
The permission Huaisang gives him is a powerful thing and he knows they're both very aware of that. He's quiet for a moment longer before he exhales slowly and looks to Dorian again, bowing his head slightly in a nod of acknowledgement that he exists still. "Master Dorian, I believe I've spoken a little about Huaisang before. He's delicate in many ways. He's lazy and can be terribly unmotivated about anything that doesn't strike his fancy or can't hold his interest longer than a few seconds. He doesn't dole out punishments on a whim and he abhors violence."
Meng Yao spreads his hands in a helpless gesture and shrugs, shaking his head. "The only exception is in how he might treat me at times, but our relationship is... complicated. What goes on between the two of us isn't necessarily an indicator of Huaisang's personality as a whole or how he will act towards others.
Either way, Huaisang has a strong sense of justice. He won't punish more than is necessary, if he even thinks it is. If he's called for help against someone, regardless of the reason, I can assure you the designations of Dominant or Submissive aren't on his mind. He would likely have demanded the Lady Charlotte to be arrested regardless of is she was a Submissive or not. If there was excessive force to her removal, I hardly believe that Huaisang can be held accountable for the actions of others acting on what they believe to be his best interests."
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When Meng Yao finishes, Huaisang points his fan toward him and looks up at Dorian as if to say 'there, you see? point made.'
"Thank you, A-Yao," he says aloud, lifting his chin with prim pride. If people are going to hate him, he'd prefer that it be for his actual faults.
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“If I had any inclination that he might abuse his power, I never would have agreed to wearing this charm.” He finally says, reaching up to gently tap the snake cuff running along his ear.
“Bull doesn’t trust Huaisang and simply thinks I’m going to see things the way he wants me to. That I’m going to be roped into messes that Huaisang is more than capable of cleaning up, but he instead chooses to cower and cry and act weak. If I thought him just a pretty face and incapable of being grown and handling issues with business and personal relations, I never would have gotten this close to him.”
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Bull not trusting huaisang doesn't surprise him either, but he smiles slightly at Dorian. Nevermind that he had no idea Bull and him were together at all, or even just friends, Meng Yao figures he knows what to say here. "Bull is protective and cares for you very much. So long as he doesn't act against Huaisang, I see no reason to be angry or upset with him; I would rejoice, if I were you, to have someone who cared about my well-being so deeply. After all, it's better that he cares too much, as opposed to not caring at all, isn't it?"
He tilts his head slightly. "Besides... Skepticism can be healthy. Questioning things keeps you alive and alert. I'm sure Huaisang, too, harbors no ill will for any of this." He looks to Huaisang then as if to say, 'right?'
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"No," he says, petulant and defensive. He shuts his fan, gripping it tight, and hunches his shoulders. All of this has been exhausting, and he doesn't have any energy to keep being a problem-solving diplomat. He just wants to get back to the part where Dorian had been comforting him and reassuring him as he cried. Dorian's words make him feel shamed for having cried, and he's still stinging with Charlotte shaming him for his gowns, and Charlotte misrepresenting him harshly on the network, and he just wants to go hide under the covers. "Why shouldn't I harbor ill will if he's starting rumors about me without evidence? Fine, he can be skeptical, but he should have asked me, or you"--this at Meng Yao--"since you're the one he imagines that I've wronged. I will harbor ill will until he apologizes to me. And I won't call you"--this to Dorian--"to help me with my messes anymore. You won't have to see me cower and cry and act weak if you hate it so much."
Tears spilling down his cheeks, Huaisang stands up suddenly, intending to storm off to his bedroom and hide under the covers if no one prevents him.
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He shoots Meng Yao an apologetic glance as he rushes to grab Huaisang by his arms, pulling the man’s back to his chest.
“Bull isn’t spreading rumors about you. I didn’t like what I heard and it’s why I came to you directly. I don’t know the details of your relationship, but I don’t think any less of you for what you’ve done. And I most certainly do not hate you.” Sure Huaisang was a bit... overdramatic, but Dorian enjoyed it and how shameless the man was in expressing how he felt. To him, it’s not an act and he realizes now, after the man’s reaction that that was how his words were perceived.
He did try to insist that Bull speak to Huaisang, but since the conversation was cut short between them, Dorian isn’t so sure his Dominant will make amends.
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He doubts Bull will reconsider his stance. He doubts even more that Bull will be pleased this spiraled like this regardless, but what can they do now? Inwardly he sighs and he wanders over towards the pair.
“A-Sang, aiya, what are we going to do with you?” But his tone is fond and he reaches up to smooth a hand over Huaisang’s hair. “The only one spreading rumors is that horrible Charlotte. She’s the one you should focus your upset feelings on.”
He glances around, considering. “Why don’t you go lay down—it’s been a dreadfully long day. Dorian and I will bring you wine and stay with you until you sleep.”
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Relaxing back against Dorian's chest, Huaisang lets himself be held. He'd expected Dorian to be angry or exasperated with him. Huaisang's friends and family have always just let him alone when he's fussy, waiting until he's settled down enough to be pleasant and charming again.
He's surprised to discover that Dorian might actually love him, not just the charming veneer that almost everyone enjoys. He doesn't know how to deal with that. He doesn't usually let people get past the charming veneer.
"Thank you, san ge," Huaisang says, ducking his head slightly away from the caress. Dorian's genuine comfort has been more effective, and Huaisang wants to dig deeper into it, which makes him uninterested in Meng Yao's usual pandering comfort. "You may go. I'm sure er ge is worrying over you. Thank you for coming so promptly. Please speak to the Iron Bull as soon as you're able."
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People aren't always as they seem. He may not know the details of these two's complex relationship, but he knows it's likely too much to discuss at present. Especially when it's supposed to be a promise, is legitimately none of his business and Huaisang is already so upset.
But the mage is angry and swallows it down like bile while he holds his love steady to his chest, trying to be comforting as best he can. Even if he's stopped him from running away to cry in private, the man in his arms seems closed off and Dorian suspects that he will be dismissed shortly. It pains him to think about and he clenches his jaw, grip loosening slightly and eyes cast down at the ground.
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Once Meng Yao has gone, Huaisang sighs softly, tipping his head back onto Dorian's shoulder. He has far more emotions roiling inside of him than he knows what to deal with, but he feels immense gratitude and affection toward Dorian at the moment, and that's his priority. "Can we go upstairs and cuddle?" he asks, voice soft and hesitant. "You can ask whatever else you want."
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He's in no mood to cuddle, he wants to shout and drink until his throat is numb. But he doubts Huaisang has anything strong enough and any shouting would upset the man further.
"If that's what you want." Dorian makes no move to carry the Dominant and releases him enough to see if he'll be guided up to the room he's so familiar with.
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Exhausted and hurting though Huaisang is, he doesn't want Dorian to be hurt because of him. "What do you want?"
He'll do his best if Dorian needs him. As long as he can still be close, as long as Dorian loves him, Huaisang will do his best to be strong.
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"That being said- I will not be manipulated and used. I am no ones to command, designations be damned. I came to your aid because I wanted to. Because I love you. It's not a lack of trust in your judgement, but I take offense that you seem to think I cannot make my own. The same goes for The Iron Bull." It's this topic that seems to be upsetting him the most. He had done so well to be sparing with his magic, using it against no one and practicing where it was safe and wouldn't be deemed a threat. Of course the first and only time he casts a spell of his own will and it displeases The Iron Bull, because of course it does.
The hold of his hand softens on Huaisang's face until he's gently pinching his chin.
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"I didn't," Huaisang mumbles, eyes hurt and expression sulky. His first instinct is to further their earlier quarrel--he'd assessed the situation and had made the request he had in order to prevent further damage to his business. But perhaps Dorian would have felt better if he'd stopped Charlotte's hateful ranting rather than preventing it, so that there was no one to vouch for its existence but Huaisang--and Lucy, he hoped.
He thought he understood--Dorian was more angry at himself than at Huaisang, because he hadn't taken the moment to assess before he obeyed, so all responsibility for his choice fell on Huaisang. A choice that Bull was now questioning, and Dorian could make no defense but Huaisang told me to, and I trust him.
"I understand." Huaisang drops his eyes, still pouting but not doing anything to resist Dorian's grip. His brow is furrowed, unhappiness and regret in his expression. "I didn't use you. You're my defender, not my pawn."
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"I know you didn't. That is not what I'm saying. I will fight to keep you safe, I will come to watch over you and make sure no one brings you harm if you feel you're being threatened. I regret freezing the woman, it's true. I should have heard her out before acting so hastily. I'll admit, I got excited and I wish she would have drawn a blade or attempted violence so I could have done her worse..." Dorian clears his throat and slides his hand lower so he can gently cup and massage the base of Huaisang's neck. "But in the future, I will act with more consideration first. If you feel that I'm not good enough, if you don't trust me to defend you then please take the cuff off me."
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Huaisang lowers his eyes to Dorian's chest, chewing softly on his lower lip. He's so tired. He just wants to be loved, not doubted. He wants a reprieve from this week of having to tiptoe so carefully through situations and still having them blow up in his face. He just wants to be surface-level and pleasant, a pretty face without a thought in his head. "I'll do everything I can to help you track down more answers regarding the situation, whatever you need."
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"I acted and put myself in this situation. This is my mess to clean up. I don't care if Bull's opinion of you is dependent on those accusations, baseless or not, I couldn't just hear him say such things and not get your word on it. For disturbing your evening and causing you such distress- I apologize. It was not my intention."
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Huaisang hesitates, studying Dorian's expression warily. It feels like he's wrapping this conversation up so that he can leave, and that makes Huaisang dread that maybe he's not forgiven after all. "Are you... are you leaving?"
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