[Huaisang looks up shy and a little guilty, aware that this is a stupid problem to be having and probably not the kind of problem that normal people experience.] I don't know if I should just wear my usual coat or if I should put on the cloak, because the cloak will be extra effort and I might slow you down and I don't know if you even really want me to come or if you want to be away from me and I know it's stupid I'm sorry.
[His blinks become more rapid, tears more of a threat. Usually he doesn't feel much guilt about being high-maintenance, since he loves being doted upon and he has always had a gift for attracting people who want to obey him and care for him. But right now he feels foolish, aware that he's causing problems for his husband and unable to deal with those problems himself.]
( Javert heaves a little sigh, stepping up the stairs with slow deliberation. He buttons up his coat as he does, all the way to the chin as he steps past Huaisang and into their room, gathering up the cloak that he set aside. He offers it to him on his return, not saying much save for, )
Here. We will go to the backyard for a while. That should not be too difficult, yes?
( So there's no need for him to cry, or to worry that he is a burden to his husband. He knows Huaisang isn't always rational — most people often aren't, to him, because they're not robots. A thought does occur to him, though, and he has to ask, )
[Huaisang reaches to be helped up, trying his best to contain his pouting, focusing on getting into the cloak and getting it properly settled on his shoulders. Once it's on, Huaisang throws his arms around his husband's waist, hugging tight with his cheek around Javert's chest for a few seconds before he's willing to release.]
I... I don't know. He's changed so much. He was burdened with so much responsibility and stress, and then being poisoned in a way that brought him constantly to rage.
Let's go to the front. The yard is bigger there. Better view of the stars. [Huaisang tries a tentative smile.]
( He doesn't shy away from Huaisang's touch this time, his arms wrapping around him with an almost insufferable reassurance. As if he cannot believe he married a man foolish enough to think that his husband would leave him there to cry. )
Get your shoes on, then.
( He says it, but doesn't make any move to pull away. Better for Huaisang to decide when he's ready, as Javert looks down at him, his hand brushing lightly against his hair. )
[Huaisang nods, a little less shaky on his feet as he draws away and heads downstairs to slip his feet into a pair of pretty heeled boots. He stays close to his husband as they move outside into the snowy night. The large front yard of their home is walled and private, with the big tree in front that Huaisang loves to hang with the large baskets for lounging in. The garden behind the house is more manicured, with walkways and ponds, which the guest house looks out upon.
Huaisang tips his head up toward the sky with a smile, wispy clouds and barely-there specks of snow drifting down, stars still visible between the wisps.]
( Javert follows along beside him as quietly as ever, his arm brushing against Huaisang's as they step into the yard. His eyes never once leave the sky, looking up with wonder the stars that shine through the clouds, at the little flakes of snow that fall down on their heads. The night sky has always had a bit of a calming effect on him — taught to love the stars at such a young age, the constellations which are always so easy to identify.
He reaches out to grasp Huaisang's hand. This may not have been what he intended for their evening, but it better than anything Javert could have imagined. )
Thank you. ( He says, his heart lifting with relief. ) I would not have wanted to miss this.
[Huaisang winds their fingers together tight, pressing close against his husband's side for both comfort and warmth. He loves the beauty of the stars, too, but cuddles and affection are a higher priority for him. Resting his head on Javert's shoulder as he watches the stray flakes of snow drifting down, Huaisang makes a soft sound of agreement and contentment.] I'm just happy to be here with the man who loves me. In my very cozy and very beautiful new cloak.
It's one of the very first pieces I made on my own.
( He returns the gesture just as softly, pressing his cheek against Huaisang's hair, looking the picture of contentment as he watches the sky. )
I'm very glad you like it.
( He wants very much for Huaisang to stay warm, to have a heavy cloak to cover himself with and bring him comfort when his husband is not there to do it for him. His lips curl into a very soft, very shy smile. )
It's wonderful. I am so very proud of you and your work.
[Wanting to be closer, Huaisang turns to Javert's front, starting to unbutton his husband's coat. His hands work swiftly, like he's afraid he might be stopped, but his demeanor is needy rather than playfully salacious.
Once he has Javert's coat open, he slides his arms around Javert's waist, pressing close against his chest and resting his head on Javert's shoulder. He can't see the stars anymore, but he cares more about being held.] I love you.
( He doesn't protest when Huaisang unbuttons the front of his coat, dipping his body inside and wrapping his arms around Javert's middle. Javert doesn't know if he can deny him anything, not when his husband is so desperate for him, speaking soft, ardent words that make Javert's heart bloom with affection. )
I love you, too.
( His arms wrap around him without thinking, pulling Huaisang as close to his chest as he's able. )
Too much? [Huaisang peeks up at him, brows skewed skeptically.]
How dare you. [The words are deadpan, no heat at all, only a hint of poutiness.] There's no such thing. Anyone who says I'm too spoiled is wrong. I should be spoiled constantly, lavishly.
[Huaisang huffs and nestles his head back against Javert's shoulder. Too spoiled. The very idea.]
( His words sound more amused than they do sorrowful, though, endeared by the pouting and the huffy noises that Huaisang makes. He holds his husband tight to his chest, smiling softly to himself and glancing up at the stars, happier than he's ever felt in a while. )
I would very much like to kiss you. When you're ready.
[Huaisang relaxes into Javert's warm, solid grip, feeling safe and loved, reassured that everything is all right again between them.
He lifts his head immediately at the request, looking hopeful. Lifting himself up on his toes, Huaisang gives his husband a smile, instantly ready to receive kisses.]
( Javert doesn't keep him waiting for long, leaning down to place his mouth over Huaisang's own. Kissing him with a little bit of sweetness, his beard tickling against his husband's skin, wanting to take this slow and linger in it for as long as he can. He hums softly against Huaisang's lips, unable to keep his happiness to himself. )
Tell me when you get too cold.
( He says, already descending on him with another kiss. His lips part and he deepens it a little, his tongue teasing against Huaisang's bottom lip. )
[Snuggled inside of his cloak, with his front pressed to Javert's chest and his arms cozy around Javert's back, Huaisang doesn't think he'll be getting cold anytime soon. And he doesn't care to waste any thought on the possibility when there's the much better priority of Javert's mouth against his own.
Humming a little into the kiss, Huaisang keeps himself pressed close, kissing back hungrily. A part of him is still skittish about Javert being angry and unhappy with him, worried that it's all his fault, that he's too needy, that he's too difficult a personality for anyone to tolerate. Starved for reassurance and always eager for affection, Huaisang parts his lips readily, flicking his tongue against Javert in teasing little sallies, luring him in deeper.]
( He makes a pleased noise at that, always eager to pursue his husband when he knows he wants to be chased. His tongue slides against Huaisang's own, intent on pleasing him and capturing him in whatever way he desires most. He knows Huaisang would never run away from him, not with any amount of seriousness, but Javert still wants to remind him, let him know how possessive his husband is of him.
He grips Huaisang's waist tightly, holding him close as he all but devours the smaller man with his mouth. )
[Huaisang's moan is loud and shameless as Javert's tongue slides into his mouth, lust immediately spiking as his husband holds him tight and fills him up. His arms move to slide up into Javert's hair, gripping tight and keeping him in the kiss. Greedy for more, Huaisang tips his head so that he can seal their lips together fully, tongues tangling as they kiss as deeply as possible, still constantly starving for each other.]
( The way that Huaisang moans seems to spark something feral in him, kissing him back just as hard and as needy as he's ever been. He enjoys the feeling of his husband sliding his hands into his hair, gripping him tight and keeping him from pulling away entirely.
As if he would ever desire to, his tongue sliding against Huaisang's own and thrusting against it needily. He pulls his husband as close to him as he can, his skin flushing warmly from more than just their shared body heat. )
[Huaisang's moans turn into keening whimpers, need building quickly. Hollowing his cheeks around Javert's tongue, Huaisang sucks on him, shameless with desire.
But then it makes him think of how recently he had Javert in his mouth in a different way, and how it had gone wrong. And he thinks that Javert had wanted to be done for the night, and now here Huaisang is turning things back to sex again, as usual.
Hesitating, Huaisang eases back so he can study his husband's face instead, staying close because he needs the warmth and reassurance of Javert's arms. He feels insecure, uncertain if Javert's still angry or if he's still guilt-stricken or somehow both.] Are we ... okay?
[He has a worried sense that Javert's going to follow through on his need to be more submissive and that he should be less feral, and Huaisang doesn't have any idea how to renegotiate their entire sex life. He had thought that it had all been better than ever, he liked their relationship just the way it was, he felt enormously confident and desirable in his entire life since he had Javert as his rock to anchor him.] I don't want anything to change.
( Javert gives a low groan in response, quickly losing himself to the pleasure and the arousing certainty of his husband pressed against him. But then Huaisang pulls away, and Javert cannot understand what it is that he's done wrong, looking down at his beloved with concern in his eyes, a little confusion wrinkling his brow. )
Why would anything change?
( He tries to think for a moment, his expression painful, as it always is, whenever he's trying to wrangle with uncertainty. Is this about Javert's earlier blunder? Or something else? He looks terribly upset on Huaisang's behalf, briefly forgetting the stars and the kiss in favor of reassuring his husband, pulling him close to his chest to protect him from his own worried thoughts. )
[Blushing and shy with self doubt, Huaisang tangles his hands tight into Javert's shirt, clinging to him but only holding his eyes for a moment at a time.] You were angry and you were worried you weren't submissive enough and I know it was my fault that you were feeling those things and you wanted to stop for the night but here I am turning things toward sex again anyway, and I just don't want anything to change, I want our relationship to be the same as it was yesterday, and I'm just scared that you'll try to change to be better because we quarreled but I want you the way you've been, and I'm scared that you're still angry at me and ... and that I've messed everything up or that I'm gonna mess everything up ...
[Huaisang knows he's babbling, words spilling out without any ability to order them into reasonable arguments, and he blinks rapidly, tears threatening again because he's always been a crybaby.]
I do wanna just kiss. I just need to know that everything's okay and nothing's going to change and I thought you didn't want more sex tonight and I don't want to ... I don't know ... tread thoughtlessly over your comfort just because kissing ... because ...
( Javert makes soothing little noises as Huaisang speaks, hushing him and cradling his head to chest as his words become a little more fraught and uncertain. He wants desperately to inspire confidence — that is something that has always come easy to him. For all of Javert's faults, he has always been a beacon of loyalty and surety — that is not going to change. )
Nothing is going to change. All I desire is to have someone take back control over me, dominate me as I feel I deserve. That is all I want. You need not be the one to do it, and it need not happen tonight.
You made your feelings on the matter quite clear. I don't wish for our marriage become an unhappy thing for you, make you feel as if you cannot express your desires or your feelings to me. That would hurt me far more than anything. I want to give you what you desire, always. You know this.
Oh. [Huaisang blinks a little in surprise, realigning his understanding of the situation. Javert doesn't need anything to change, doesn't need Huaisang to do anything in particular. If he needs some catharsis, he'll seek it elsewhere, but they're all right and there's no need to dwell.
Relaxing and tucking his head close again, Huaisang takes a deep breath.] Okay. I misunderstood.
[Closing his eyes, Huaisang just lets himself be held and soothed, letting go of his insecurities and need to please.]
( Javert remains steadfast in his embrace, holding Huaisang while he recovers and composes himself a little more. He doesn't say anything for quite a while, content to remain like this for a few more minutes, looking up at the night sky once more before speaking softly, )
Are you alright? ( He wonders, speaking low so that he doesn't startle his husband too much. ) Shall we go in and undress for bed?
[Huaisang nods at the question, lifting his head to smile up at his husband, admiring how handsome he is. Leaning up for one last kiss, Huaisang lingers for a few seconds, chaste and affectionate, before he settles back on his heels.]
Yes, please. [Taking his husband's hand as they return inside, Huaisang slips out of his boots without help and lets Javert take the cloak, shivering just a little in the cool air that came in with them.] Carry me?
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[His blinks become more rapid, tears more of a threat. Usually he doesn't feel much guilt about being high-maintenance, since he loves being doted upon and he has always had a gift for attracting people who want to obey him and care for him. But right now he feels foolish, aware that he's causing problems for his husband and unable to deal with those problems himself.]
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Here. We will go to the backyard for a while. That should not be too difficult, yes?
( So there's no need for him to cry, or to worry that he is a burden to his husband. He knows Huaisang isn't always rational — most people often aren't, to him, because they're not robots. A thought does occur to him, though, and he has to ask, )
Is your brother a light sleeper?
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I... I don't know. He's changed so much. He was burdened with so much responsibility and stress, and then being poisoned in a way that brought him constantly to rage.
Let's go to the front. The yard is bigger there. Better view of the stars. [Huaisang tries a tentative smile.]
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Get your shoes on, then.
( He says it, but doesn't make any move to pull away. Better for Huaisang to decide when he's ready, as Javert looks down at him, his hand brushing lightly against his hair. )
It would be best not to disturb him.
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Huaisang tips his head up toward the sky with a smile, wispy clouds and barely-there specks of snow drifting down, stars still visible between the wisps.]
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He reaches out to grasp Huaisang's hand. This may not have been what he intended for their evening, but it better than anything Javert could have imagined. )
Thank you. ( He says, his heart lifting with relief. ) I would not have wanted to miss this.
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( He returns the gesture just as softly, pressing his cheek against Huaisang's hair, looking the picture of contentment as he watches the sky. )
I'm very glad you like it.
( He wants very much for Huaisang to stay warm, to have a heavy cloak to cover himself with and bring him comfort when his husband is not there to do it for him. His lips curl into a very soft, very shy smile. )
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[Wanting to be closer, Huaisang turns to Javert's front, starting to unbutton his husband's coat. His hands work swiftly, like he's afraid he might be stopped, but his demeanor is needy rather than playfully salacious.
Once he has Javert's coat open, he slides his arms around Javert's waist, pressing close against his chest and resting his head on Javert's shoulder. He can't see the stars anymore, but he cares more about being held.] I love you.
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I love you, too.
( His arms wrap around him without thinking, pulling Huaisang as close to his chest as he's able. )
I do not spoil you too much, do I?
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How dare you. [The words are deadpan, no heat at all, only a hint of poutiness.] There's no such thing. Anyone who says I'm too spoiled is wrong. I should be spoiled constantly, lavishly.
[Huaisang huffs and nestles his head back against Javert's shoulder. Too spoiled. The very idea.]
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( His words sound more amused than they do sorrowful, though, endeared by the pouting and the huffy noises that Huaisang makes. He holds his husband tight to his chest, smiling softly to himself and glancing up at the stars, happier than he's ever felt in a while. )
I would very much like to kiss you. When you're ready.
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He lifts his head immediately at the request, looking hopeful. Lifting himself up on his toes, Huaisang gives his husband a smile, instantly ready to receive kisses.]
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Tell me when you get too cold.
( He says, already descending on him with another kiss. His lips part and he deepens it a little, his tongue teasing against Huaisang's bottom lip. )
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Humming a little into the kiss, Huaisang keeps himself pressed close, kissing back hungrily. A part of him is still skittish about Javert being angry and unhappy with him, worried that it's all his fault, that he's too needy, that he's too difficult a personality for anyone to tolerate. Starved for reassurance and always eager for affection, Huaisang parts his lips readily, flicking his tongue against Javert in teasing little sallies, luring him in deeper.]
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He grips Huaisang's waist tightly, holding him close as he all but devours the smaller man with his mouth. )
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As if he would ever desire to, his tongue sliding against Huaisang's own and thrusting against it needily. He pulls his husband as close to him as he can, his skin flushing warmly from more than just their shared body heat. )
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But then it makes him think of how recently he had Javert in his mouth in a different way, and how it had gone wrong. And he thinks that Javert had wanted to be done for the night, and now here Huaisang is turning things back to sex again, as usual.
Hesitating, Huaisang eases back so he can study his husband's face instead, staying close because he needs the warmth and reassurance of Javert's arms. He feels insecure, uncertain if Javert's still angry or if he's still guilt-stricken or somehow both.] Are we ... okay?
[He has a worried sense that Javert's going to follow through on his need to be more submissive and that he should be less feral, and Huaisang doesn't have any idea how to renegotiate their entire sex life. He had thought that it had all been better than ever, he liked their relationship just the way it was, he felt enormously confident and desirable in his entire life since he had Javert as his rock to anchor him.] I don't want anything to change.
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Why would anything change?
( He tries to think for a moment, his expression painful, as it always is, whenever he's trying to wrangle with uncertainty. Is this about Javert's earlier blunder? Or something else? He looks terribly upset on Huaisang's behalf, briefly forgetting the stars and the kiss in favor of reassuring his husband, pulling him close to his chest to protect him from his own worried thoughts. )
What troubles you, Huaisang? Tell me.
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[Huaisang knows he's babbling, words spilling out without any ability to order them into reasonable arguments, and he blinks rapidly, tears threatening again because he's always been a crybaby.]
I do wanna just kiss. I just need to know that everything's okay and nothing's going to change and I thought you didn't want more sex tonight and I don't want to ... I don't know ... tread thoughtlessly over your comfort just because kissing ... because ...
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Nothing is going to change. All I desire is to have someone take back control over me, dominate me as I feel I deserve. That is all I want. You need not be the one to do it, and it need not happen tonight.
You made your feelings on the matter quite clear. I don't wish for our marriage become an unhappy thing for you, make you feel as if you cannot express your desires or your feelings to me. That would hurt me far more than anything. I want to give you what you desire, always. You know this.
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Relaxing and tucking his head close again, Huaisang takes a deep breath.] Okay. I misunderstood.
[Closing his eyes, Huaisang just lets himself be held and soothed, letting go of his insecurities and need to please.]
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Are you alright? ( He wonders, speaking low so that he doesn't startle his husband too much. ) Shall we go in and undress for bed?
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Yes, please. [Taking his husband's hand as they return inside, Huaisang slips out of his boots without help and lets Javert take the cloak, shivering just a little in the cool air that came in with them.] Carry me?
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