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[fanoperator]

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[fanoperator]

I imagine Hands is paying you well.

So it's ... no longer a hobby? The beating or the robbing?

[buttbaby]

Nope.

[fanoperator]

Glad to hear it.

[buttbaby]

I was kind of a piece of shit for a long time.

I'm trying not to be, now.

[fanoperator]

what inspired the change?

[buttbaby]

I killed someone I shouldn't have. Got incapacitated for five months. My life got a giant overhaul.

[fanoperator]

when we first met, why did you talk about all that like it was current? why was that one of the first things you wanted me to know about you, this version of you that you don’t want to be anymore?

[buttbaby]

Bad habit? And also I'm pretty bad at not thinking before I speak sometimes.

[fanoperator]

Ok. Well. Maybe if you want me to not dislike you, we could try again with who you really are. Or who you want to be.

[buttbaby]

I'm Chris Smith, and I'm kind of a fuckup. I want to be a more gentle and open person.

[fanoperator]

ok come over and we’ll drink and start again

[buttbaby]

Now?

[fanoperator]

now

[buttbaby]

'kay.

[And he's knocking at Huaisang's door twenty-five minutes later. Not needy at all.]

[fanoperator]

[Huaisang opens the door and gestures to him to come in and to head over to the parlor again. He's dressed in an embroidered blouse and slacks, which as casual as he ever gets.

Pouring for them both, Huaisang hands him a glass of brandy and then goes to sit on the couch, patting the spot next to him to invite Chris to sit nearby.]

[buttbaby]

[Chris sits down, feelings a bit shaky after this weird-ass phone conversation that they've had. He's feeling a lot more exposed in person.

He takes the brandy and offers Huaisang a quick smile, trying not to look completely unsure of himself and probably falling flat on his ass in that attempt.]

Hey.

[fanoperator]

Hey. [Huaisang's voice is gentler now, and he gives an encouraging nod.] I think it's good that you want to be a better person. I'd like to hear more about that. Tell me more about the person you want to be.

[buttbaby]

You ever feel like you've lost your way? Like you're barely even wearing your own skin anymore.

It's... kind of how I've been for most of my life. Acting tough because that's what my dad wanted me to be and I was trying so hard to impress him.

But I think I'm capable of being more than that. That there's a person in there my dad couldn't completely choke off. Somebody who just wants to have a good time with his friends, you know?

[fanoperator]

[Huaisang nods a little, heart aching because he identifies with that, and he lets it show on his face.] Yeah. I know that feeling. And my dad was really rough on me, too.

I think you can be whatever you want. I've found that ... if there's someone you want to be, you should just ... act like that person would, and do the things that person would, more and more, as much as you can. And you'll get closer to it.

[buttbaby]

Yeah. I'm trying to expand my horizons. Bit by bit.

Still easy to fall back into the tough dickhead persona. It's a real nice suit of armor.

[fanoperator]

Mm, I don't think it is. [Huaisang wrinkles his nose, but it's good-natured now, playfully ribbing Chris a tiny bit.] Terrible suit of armor. Real jerk.

[buttbaby]

But handsome, right?

[fanoperator]

Very handsome. Nice muscles.

The other guy, though. The not-terrible guy.

He's kind of sweet.

[buttbaby]

Oh yeah?

[There's a tint of a smile.]

He's kind of a dork.

[fanoperator]

Yeah? Sounds like a plus to me.

A dork in what way? [Huaisang nudges at him, poking a finger against his arm.] Confess your dorkness.