[Huaisang listens appreciatively to this, reassured by Hubert's perspective on things. He lifts his head at the end, giving Hubert a shy smile.] That's a lovely way to think of things. And I'm proud of you, doing your best to grow and become a better version of yourself.
[He tucks his head again, nestling his cheek against Hubert's shoulder and enjoying being held.] What's your next question?
[There are still some things he wants to talk about, but he's not sure where to go next or what he should just set aside and not worry about. It's easier to push it back on Hubert and ask what's still weighing on his mind.]
He does. I've made clear what I want, which is essentially that I want to feel spoiled and doted upon, desired. He's done very well at giving me that, so far. In turn, I give him a generous stipend, and plenty of access to luxury.
[He has to mull over Hubert's question, fingertip drifting idle figure-eights over Hubert's chest.] Vet him ... in what way? I make my own decisions, and he values his privacy and discretion.
[He almost backs off completely, then decides not to.]
You do not know him. I will be watching him closely, at least what is publicly available. I also would like to talk to him further. But I will hold off on doing anything else without your consent.
[There was a time when Hubert would dig up dirt regardless of anyone's consent... But he's trying to be better.]
Mm, definitely talk to him further. Get to know him. I like it when my people are close to each other.
[Huaisang straightens up, resting his hands on Hubert's chest. He considers for a moment, head tipped to one side as he decides on his phrasing.] Listen. He's important to me. You're important to me. I want my people protected. But I also ...
Living here gives me the luxury to be my most frivolous self. To care only about fashion design and sex. No war, no politics, no nobility or inheritance.
So it does not matter what I am capable of or what I have done in the past. I don't want to know what you or he is capable of, under this or other circumstances. We're here, where we can simply be frivolous. He pleases me, he's sweet to me, and he will be loyal to my interests, because I provide him with luxury and freedom. I manage my own accounts.
[Huaisang's sharpened now, his emotions of a few minutes ago shuttered away, leaving only cool, steely determination.]
Do you understand me? Get to know him as an ally, so that you can both be better able to protect me. If you see any indication that his he might intend to betray me, bring it to me. Beyond those two things--my protection and my betrayal--do not hound him, and let him keep his secrets, whatever they may be.
[He studies Hubert's face, wanting to make sure that this is understood. He hasn't often had to bring out this side of him in his time here, and very few people have seen it, but Huaisang's plenty willing to let Hubert see it. Beneath Huaisang's frivolous facade, he's always been capable of being the most dangerous political player on the board. There are simply very, very few things that could motivate him to do so.]
[Hubert's eyes narrow. He does not appreciate that tone, nor agree with some of the things Huaisang says.]
What gave you the impression that my actions would be motivated by anything but your protection and betrayal?
Not all can afford to be frivolous, least of all me. There are plenty of threats here in Duplicity, and I take my role to protect those I love very seriously.
I absolutely know that your motivations are to protect me. Without a doubt.
[Huaisang frowns worriedly, not certain that Hubert has understood his point. He thinks that the impression that Hubert got is that Huaisang's frivolous and bossy, and that annoys him a tiny bit. He'd trusted Hubert enough that he'd wanted Hubert to see more of him than that.
It's nice to be included in those Hubert loves, but the sweetness of that is undercut by the feeling that Hubert only sees a part of him, and thus only loves a part of him.]
But I've promised him that I won't pry into his secrets. I don't want him to take you 'vetting' him in the interests of protecting me as a violation of that.
I want myself protected, but I also want you, and him, your secrets and his secrets protected.
That is fine, but you could have simply said that to start. I only take orders from my Emperor. Aside from that, I do not appreciate being told what to do.
[His tone is sharp. He understands the boundary drawn, but isn't fond of the way it's been done.]
[Huaisang pulls away, sitting back.] You asked me for my permission. I was trying to provide the conditions on my permission and provide context.
[Stung, he rises to his feet, smoothing down his outfit.] I was including in that some context on myself and my perspective. It wasn't meant to be any kind of orders other than boundaries on my permission.
If putting boundaries on my permission is giving you orders, then my permission to 'vet' him is rescinded.
Alright, Huaisang. I will do whatever you want of me, I simply do not enjoy being spoken to in this way. If objecting to that isn't acceptable, I am not sure what else to say.
[Huaisang wants desperately for Hubert to see what he was trying to reveal about himself, but he can understand how their previous failed communication primed Hubert to interpret his tone poorly. He feels defensive and embarrassed, and it's easier to just storm out, but he doesn't want to be so petty about a misunderstanding. His eyes sting with the threat of tears and he just stands there for a moment, frozen between anger, frustration, and hurt.]
I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to order you. I wanted you to see that there's a side of me that's calculating, so you could take that into consideration if you were going forth in my protection 'vetting' people for me.
So I'll just be sweet in the future. I feel like our previous misunderstanding colored how you interpreted me today, and I feel guilty for that. That was my fault. So I'll just ... I don't know. Feel free to be sweet and frivolous around you and not feel free to show you any other aspect of myself.
[He's hurt that Huaisang no longer wants to show him other sides of himself. That wasn't what he meant by it. He deflates visibly, hunching over himself on the couch a bit.]
I do not want you to hide parts of yourself... I simply bristle when things sound like commands in my ears. I think the fact that you are calculating is good, and I did not know that before. I am on your side. We can calculate together. I just don't want to be treated with that coldness. You were hard and cold to me today, and on that other day. That is the part that hurts me... Being treated like a subordinate by someone I see as my equal, my ally.
[Hubert thinks he and Huaisang are similar in some key ways, but maybe that is also where they clash. Their coldness, their sternness.]
[Huaisang softens when Hubert's anger shifts into sorrow, and the edges come off of his own anger. He sits again, but he stays at the far edge of the couch, more skittish now as he tries to be honest and vulnerable rather than honest and cutting.]
My calculating side is cold. I was ... very isolated and very terrified when I developed that side of myself. I had to just learn to be hard and then keep it hidden away.
[He presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose.] And it occurs to me now that I've only ever been obeyed by those who have seen that side of me. Back home, the only people who knew I was anything other than a harmless idiot were my most trusted aides and servants. They brought me intel, but I made all the decisions, and they obeyed me.
[He drops his hands into his lap and sighs.] I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I was always calculating, and I was always frivolous and harmless. Both are true, and I've only recently stopped seeing the two sides of my nature as in conflict.
[Hubert nods, looking down, unsure really what to say. It makes sense that he's used to treating his trusted people this way, and Hubert is a trusted person, so surely he should be able to handle it? But he isn't Huaisang's servant or aide. Maybe in a sexual sense, he enjoys being that, but not outside of that. His position serving Edelgard is the most important position he's held and it always will be, and to him it's degrading when others think they can just step into a role of being in charge of him without earning it the way she did. If he is going to serve someone, it has to be completely his choice to do so, as it eventually was completely his choosing to serve her. He cannot, will not be forced into it.
He knows saying any of this will likely be hurtful or prompt further argument, and besides, he's made his point already, so he keeps his response simple.]
I'm sorry I was cold, and I'm sorry I treated you as a subordinate.
[Huaisang sighs, feeling sad and tired, but he at least relaxes somewhat into the couch, no longer quite as skittish and ready to bolt.]
I appreciate the impulse to protect me. I like it very much. But I have Hannibal well in hand. Not because I trust him, no more than I trust anyone, but because I understand what's important to him--luxury, art, privacy--and I can provide those things better than anyone else can.
[Propping his arm on the back of the couch and his head on his fist, Huaisang meets Hubert's eyes.] And if I have misjudged and he does betray me in any matter more significant than a bit of pride and hurt feelings ... then he will regret it for a hundred years. [The flicker of smug sadism that curls Huaisang's lips for a moment belongs more on Hubert's face than Huaisang's. It disappears as quickly as it came, shuttered into a blank facade.]
[It's said firmly, with a slight edge of anger and vengefulness, but then a small smirk twists into his dour features. He meets Huaisang's eyes. Oh, how the two of them could create hell, once they work out how not to be at each other's throats.]
[Emotionally drained after everything, Huaisang shifts over to rest his head in Hubert's lap.] Now you have me even more honest. What else do you wish to ask of me?
[From the way the statement trails off, Huaisang thinks that a question will follow after a pause, but it doesn't, so he sits up to study Hubert's face.] Do you forgive me?
[The fingers in his hair made him think that Hubert did, but he isn't sure what's unsaid behind Hubert's hesitation.]
[Huaisang sighs and nods, empathizing with that answer.] I have a temper.
... Runs in the family.
[He tucks back down into Hubert's lap, wanting those hands back in his hair. He nestles his cheek against Hubert's thigh, resting his hand on Hubert's knee.] That's the other thing that's easier about keeping people at arm's length. Keeping all my relationships shallow, so they don't see anything beyond the sweetness.
I think ... I mentioned quarreling with my husband?
I feel like I ought to just accept the blame. Accept that I'm difficult. I figure I'm probably not worth the trouble of dealing with that.
[Hubert's hands do go back into his hair at once.]
Hm. I am a difficult person, myself. It makes me quite sad at times, not being able to get along with others the way some people so easily do. But... I think that both of us are worth the trouble.
[Huaisang turns his head to look up at Hubert at that, giving him a fond smile.] I'm glad you think so. I definitely still struggle enormously with believing that people will still want me around even after they've seen more than just the sweet and frivolous side of me. I used to struggle with believing that people wanted me around even when that was all they saw, and I would try to modify myself to fit whatever I thought they wanted. I wore myself out trying to do that here, only ever catering to other people's desires and kinks. It's been amazing to me that people like me even better when I'm bold about what I want rather than trying to shape myself to suit them. And I've gotten much better believing that I am desirable.
To be clear, I have never thought of you as simply sweet and frivolous. You're much more complex than that, even from first impression.
At times I wish I had a more palatable mask to show people, such as your sweetness, so I might have a smoother experience here. But I think you're right, it is better to embrace ourselves and allow people who cannot handle it to weed themselves out.
Yes. [Huaisang nods, sitting up enough to shift into Hubert's lap, snuggling close into his arms because he wants to cling. He tucks his face against the side of Hubert's neck with a tiny little whimper.] It's better to have people who want us as we are rather than to try and pretend. I do believe--or I want to believe, and try to make it true--that the sweet, fun side of me is the truest side. I'm happiest when I never have to be hard and cold and calculating. But that side of me is always there, protecting me and making sure I have defenses and escape routes.
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[He tucks his head again, nestling his cheek against Hubert's shoulder and enjoying being held.] What's your next question?
[There are still some things he wants to talk about, but he's not sure where to go next or what he should just set aside and not worry about. It's easier to push it back on Hubert and ask what's still weighing on his mind.]
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[He says it softly, then hums as he thinks a moment.]
Next question... This Hannibal, he treats you well? Might I have your permission to vet him?
["Vetting" him involves... A lot of things, potentially, and based on Huaisang's answer, he will try to decide what is appropriate.]
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[He has to mull over Hubert's question, fingertip drifting idle figure-eights over Hubert's chest.] Vet him ... in what way? I make my own decisions, and he values his privacy and discretion.
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[He almost backs off completely, then decides not to.]
You do not know him. I will be watching him closely, at least what is publicly available. I also would like to talk to him further. But I will hold off on doing anything else without your consent.
[There was a time when Hubert would dig up dirt regardless of anyone's consent... But he's trying to be better.]
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[Huaisang straightens up, resting his hands on Hubert's chest. He considers for a moment, head tipped to one side as he decides on his phrasing.] Listen. He's important to me. You're important to me. I want my people protected. But I also ...
Living here gives me the luxury to be my most frivolous self. To care only about fashion design and sex. No war, no politics, no nobility or inheritance.
So it does not matter what I am capable of or what I have done in the past. I don't want to know what you or he is capable of, under this or other circumstances. We're here, where we can simply be frivolous. He pleases me, he's sweet to me, and he will be loyal to my interests, because I provide him with luxury and freedom. I manage my own accounts.
[Huaisang's sharpened now, his emotions of a few minutes ago shuttered away, leaving only cool, steely determination.]
Do you understand me? Get to know him as an ally, so that you can both be better able to protect me. If you see any indication that his he might intend to betray me, bring it to me. Beyond those two things--my protection and my betrayal--do not hound him, and let him keep his secrets, whatever they may be.
[He studies Hubert's face, wanting to make sure that this is understood. He hasn't often had to bring out this side of him in his time here, and very few people have seen it, but Huaisang's plenty willing to let Hubert see it. Beneath Huaisang's frivolous facade, he's always been capable of being the most dangerous political player on the board. There are simply very, very few things that could motivate him to do so.]
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What gave you the impression that my actions would be motivated by anything but your protection and betrayal?
Not all can afford to be frivolous, least of all me. There are plenty of threats here in Duplicity, and I take my role to protect those I love very seriously.
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[Huaisang frowns worriedly, not certain that Hubert has understood his point. He thinks that the impression that Hubert got is that Huaisang's frivolous and bossy, and that annoys him a tiny bit. He'd trusted Hubert enough that he'd wanted Hubert to see more of him than that.
It's nice to be included in those Hubert loves, but the sweetness of that is undercut by the feeling that Hubert only sees a part of him, and thus only loves a part of him.]
But I've promised him that I won't pry into his secrets. I don't want him to take you 'vetting' him in the interests of protecting me as a violation of that.
I want myself protected, but I also want you, and him, your secrets and his secrets protected.
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[His tone is sharp. He understands the boundary drawn, but isn't fond of the way it's been done.]
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[Stung, he rises to his feet, smoothing down his outfit.] I was including in that some context on myself and my perspective. It wasn't meant to be any kind of orders other than boundaries on my permission.
If putting boundaries on my permission is giving you orders, then my permission to 'vet' him is rescinded.
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Alright, Huaisang. I will do whatever you want of me, I simply do not enjoy being spoken to in this way. If objecting to that isn't acceptable, I am not sure what else to say.
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I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to order you. I wanted you to see that there's a side of me that's calculating, so you could take that into consideration if you were going forth in my protection 'vetting' people for me.
So I'll just be sweet in the future. I feel like our previous misunderstanding colored how you interpreted me today, and I feel guilty for that. That was my fault. So I'll just ... I don't know. Feel free to be sweet and frivolous around you and not feel free to show you any other aspect of myself.
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I do not want you to hide parts of yourself... I simply bristle when things sound like commands in my ears. I think the fact that you are calculating is good, and I did not know that before. I am on your side. We can calculate together. I just don't want to be treated with that coldness. You were hard and cold to me today, and on that other day. That is the part that hurts me... Being treated like a subordinate by someone I see as my equal, my ally.
[Hubert thinks he and Huaisang are similar in some key ways, but maybe that is also where they clash. Their coldness, their sternness.]
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My calculating side is cold. I was ... very isolated and very terrified when I developed that side of myself. I had to just learn to be hard and then keep it hidden away.
[He presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose.] And it occurs to me now that I've only ever been obeyed by those who have seen that side of me. Back home, the only people who knew I was anything other than a harmless idiot were my most trusted aides and servants. They brought me intel, but I made all the decisions, and they obeyed me.
[He drops his hands into his lap and sighs.] I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I was always calculating, and I was always frivolous and harmless. Both are true, and I've only recently stopped seeing the two sides of my nature as in conflict.
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He knows saying any of this will likely be hurtful or prompt further argument, and besides, he's made his point already, so he keeps his response simple.]
I see.
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[Huaisang sighs, feeling sad and tired, but he at least relaxes somewhat into the couch, no longer quite as skittish and ready to bolt.]
I appreciate the impulse to protect me. I like it very much. But I have Hannibal well in hand. Not because I trust him, no more than I trust anyone, but because I understand what's important to him--luxury, art, privacy--and I can provide those things better than anyone else can.
[Propping his arm on the back of the couch and his head on his fist, Huaisang meets Hubert's eyes.] And if I have misjudged and he does betray me in any matter more significant than a bit of pride and hurt feelings ... then he will regret it for a hundred years. [The flicker of smug sadism that curls Huaisang's lips for a moment belongs more on Hubert's face than Huaisang's. It disappears as quickly as it came, shuttered into a blank facade.]
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[It's said firmly, with a slight edge of anger and vengefulness, but then a small smirk twists into his dour features. He meets Huaisang's eyes. Oh, how the two of them could create hell, once they work out how not to be at each other's throats.]
Thank you. I'm sorry I was sharp as well.
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Oh, I don't know...
[He almost fears another question will just prompt more arguments. He doesn't really wish to pry further, lest he fall into some trap.]
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[The fingers in his hair made him think that Hubert did, but he isn't sure what's unsaid behind Hubert's hesitation.]
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[He looks down. For once, he wishes he was less stubborn, better at getting along with people.]
You can ask me anything you like, though.
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... Runs in the family.
[He tucks back down into Hubert's lap, wanting those hands back in his hair. He nestles his cheek against Hubert's thigh, resting his hand on Hubert's knee.] That's the other thing that's easier about keeping people at arm's length. Keeping all my relationships shallow, so they don't see anything beyond the sweetness.
I think ... I mentioned quarreling with my husband?
I feel like I ought to just accept the blame. Accept that I'm difficult. I figure I'm probably not worth the trouble of dealing with that.
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Hm. I am a difficult person, myself. It makes me quite sad at times, not being able to get along with others the way some people so easily do. But... I think that both of us are worth the trouble.
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At times I wish I had a more palatable mask to show people, such as your sweetness, so I might have a smoother experience here. But I think you're right, it is better to embrace ourselves and allow people who cannot handle it to weed themselves out.
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wrap?