[ Huaisang relaxes a little into the embrace, letting his own arms rest lightly over Javert’s shoulders. ] Good. You obey me and serve my pleasure first. In public, you obey the city’s laws. When we are alone, you obey only me. I do not want to hear of the city’s laws here in our bedroom, where only my rule matters.
If you were trying to please me, then you acted correctly, to the best of your ability. If your understanding of my pleasure was incorrect, then it was my failing to not make my desires clearer.
So help me to understand: why did you think that was what I desired?
( Javert's eyes drop when Huaisang chides him about the city, not quite looking away, but finding himself unable to meet his husband's gaze. It feels far too defiant — and that is the very last thing Javert wishes to be at this moment. )
You do like to swallow me. ( He says, feeling foolish and blushing a little as he speaks. ) The times that you have taken me into your mouth, you've taken me greedily. I thought you might like to be told that, but my mouth got away from me.
( He shudders a little, looking incredibly lost as he raises his gaze once more. )
I need your guidance. It seems I have displeased you quite a lot in recent days. I know you do not wish me to be a creature without thought, but I still need your dominance when we make love. Please.
I do like to swallow you. [Huaisang nods, smiling fondly as he cups a soft hand against Javert's cheek.] And I was enjoying that very much.
Your words sounded scolding, telling me not to make a mess, not to create work for you. I have always reacted poorly to being scolded or given instruction of any kind.
You have not displeased me much at all in recent days. The only other thing I can think of is when you sought to be perfect and I had to remind you that progress and love has come from you letting go of that need to be perfect.
[Huaisang kisses his forehead, ever so gentle.] I know it is agonizing for you any time I am even the slightest bit annoyed, but it's still going to happen sometimes. Misunderstandings are natural. Remember that it's good to not be perfect.
Overall, I think our sex has only gotten more amazing over the course of our marriage. You are wonderful, you please me enormously, and I love you very, very much.
Forgive me, then. I fear I do not wish to continue.
( It's not something he's ever tried before — fucking someone's mouth. He's not so certain it gives him anymore joy than when Huaisang can control the pace, make Javert feel used and desired. His heart clenches in his chest a little, trying not to feel so much like a failure. It'll take time for him to let go of that desire to be perfect. )
I only want it to be good for you. I will whatever you wish, but I want you to be in control. I don't like fucking you when you cannot speak, when you cannot order me as you should.
[Huaisang nods his understanding.] We're certainly done for now, don't worry. We'll just rest and stay close for the rest of the evening.
I am always in control. [He holds Javert's gaze, eyes dark and firm, letting Javert feel the force of his will.] I thought I was in control then, with my hand dictating your pace and you obeying me.
I know that I am ... unusual, and sometimes a conundrum. People associate dominance with being the one doing the penetrating. I only ever bottom with anyone but you, and I am usually dominant with my other lovers as well. I am always in command with you.
[Huaisang lifts his chin, imperious and cool, continuing to gaze down at his husband.] It is one of the things that I like best about our relationship. When you pin me down and overwhelm me, when you get a little feral and possessive, you are still under my control. No one else gives me that the way you do. So if you've found yourself getting a little lost at those times, unclear of whether I am still in command, then I will make certain that there are no doubts left in your mind.
I do have doubts. I doubt whether I am being obedient enough for you.
( He continues to look a little docile, not quite recovered from his earlier despair but a little more settled than he was a few moments ago. At least he doesn't look as if he's about to have a breakdown, his body no longer trembling as it was before. )
May I dress for bed, then? Please. I will ask for nothing more.
( He doesn't like to beg, but he would very much like Huaisang to grant this request of his. Let him cover himself a little so he can begin to feel a bit more like himself. )
[Huaisang nods his permission, shifting off of Javert's lap and feeling a little uncertainty and sorrow of his own for a moment.] Fetch your collar, too.
[He feels foolish still dressed in his silk and chains, so he goes to change out of it, choosing a cozy bit of gray knit that doesn't feel too absurdly sexy for the mood of the moment but also doesn't seem too much like anything is different or unusual. He returns quickly, not wanting to leave Javert alone, and moves to sit quietly at the foot of the bed, feeling tired and sad but worrying that if he shows too much of it Javert will be all the more guilty, which will be all the more emotional weight for Huaisang to bear.]
( Javert, on the other hand, feels nothing but relief, his sadness lifting a little when Huaisang allows him a few moments to collect himself. He rinses himself off in the bathroom as he does, making himself a little bit more presentable by the time he returns to their bedroom. The nightshirt he wears isn't all that much different from what he wore back home, long enough to cover his modesty, but in true Duplicity fashion it is, of course, see-through.
He comes to the bed obediently, noticing Huaisang's change of clothes and approving of them silently. The gold collar is around his neck, his collar open and with the buttons undone, so that there's nothing else in the way. )
Thank you.
( He says, knowing that Huaisang doesn't like to be alone. He places a hand on his husband's shoulder, his own so large it nearly encompasses it in size. )
[Huaisang is reassured by the touch, looking up at him with a shy smile and resting his hand over Javert's on his shoulder. Javert seems much more stable again, which makes it easier to proceed like a conversation rather than reiterating power. Brow furrowing a little with worry, Huaisang studies his face.] What do you mean, you doubt whether you're being obedient enough for me? You always obey my every command, instantly. I don't think I like the thought of you being more obedient than that. I don't understand how that would even work.
Am I submissive enough? Perhaps I am being a little too hard on myself again.
( It's difficult, but the praise that he's received in recent months for his obedience has helped. He doesn't feel quite so insecure about it when he knows it's something that pleases his lovers — and most especially his husband. )
I never knew the warm touch of a man before I came here. Sometimes I worry that I am too clumsy with my lovemaking, too rough or too wild with others. I am glad that I have not disappointed you, that you enjoy it so much.
You are. [Rising, Huaisang leans against his husband, arms resting on Javert's chest, head falling forward onto his shoulder, murmuring against the cloth as he continues.] My darling, I don't think there is anyone else in this city as submissive as you are. And sometimes it worries me how much that pleases me, how thoroughly I want to be obeyed and doted upon, since I have been called dark and corrupt by a handful of people in this place when they have seen how I enjoy my power.
But even for me, sometimes, you are perhaps a little too submissive. Not in that I want you to be dominant, because I don't. [Huaisang lifts his head to give him a wry but also warning look, but keeps his head up when his expression clears.]
What I mean is that when you misstep, when we have any level of misunderstanding, you try to make yourself all the more servile, all the more emotionless and irreproachable. And I do not like that.
I like my passionate, lustful, possessive, sometimes feral husband. I do not want you being so submissive that you deny yourself all your passions. I like you wild. I like very much having a dangerous and rough man who is soft and tamed for me, who obeys my every command in an instant.
( Javert's heart swells with pride at those words, his expression softening even further, yielding a little when Huaisang flashes him that warning look. He doesn't look guilty at all, but a little bit sheepish, as his husband continues, meeting his gaze and wrapping his thick arms around him. )
I only wish to try to calm you, Huaisang. I don't know what else to do.
( Huaisang is not at all like the other authority figures in his life, those who expect him to do everything he's told without thought — who call him mad when he rebels in any small way. His pleasure quickly turns to ferocity, displeased that anyone would call Huaisang corrupt. )
And who has said these things about you? I've never heard such nonsense.
I do not want to be calmed, [Huaisang snaps, instantly irritable, temper flashing. He quiets, takes a breath and a moment.]
We can speak of those people later. I'll list off their names and the circumstances and you can hate them for me.
Right now this is still about us.
I remember one of our earlier fights, near our wedding. We had several heated ones in a relatively short amount of time, so I forget which one it was that gave me this thought, but I remember feeling so grateful and relieved that you fought with me. I need a husband who will fight with me when there is a problem.
It is not good for me to have a partner who only yields and does not tell me there is a problem. And it is even more not good for me to have a partner who shames me for my temper and makes me feel that I am unreasonable. I need someone who lets me lose my temper and who still stands up to me, who is honest and forthright and tells me when there is a problem.
And you do. You fight with me when you are displeased with something. We just need to work on making sure that you have that same certainty and backbone when I'm the one who's displeased.
( Javert's arms fall away the moment Huaisang snaps, suddenly irate and irritable in a way that he doesn't expect. He stands there for a moment, his own temper flaring in response, looking a little more dangerous and severe as the seconds tick by. )
There you've done it! Now I'm displeased.
( It does irritate him a little, knowing that his reactions are not pleasing to Huaisang unless he is angry. He raises his voice a little, no longer meek or satisfied. )
I've done everything in my power to make this a happy night for us both. I spoke out of turn and I didn't realize my error until you told me what was wrong. What was I suppose to say? That you need to be put in your place? I would not!
I apologized. What would you rather I do, Huaisang?
[Huaisang's brows lift at the attitude, but it is still an improvement upon the self-flagellation.]
I pinched you, [he points out, letting his own hands drop though he still wants to be held.] I was guiding you in and out and you were obeying me, and it was wonderful. You said something foolish, trying to add to the heat of the moment, trying to please me, and I pinched you to let you know that it ... wasn't ... appreciated.
That was all. You said something foolish, and I pinched you. And then you panicked. I was momentarily annoyed, and since then I've been trying to reassure you that you don't need to question your entire attitude and all your actions for the past weeks or months.
Because you've been wonderful, and you gave me a breathtaking gift, and I very much enjoyed being able to take your cock in to the hilt the way that I usually can't.
( He says, still very much annoyed and unable to cool off as easily as Huaisang can. There's a desire in him to throw on his coat and go for a walk out in the snow — anything he can do to distance himself from this conversation and settle his mind a little, but he's afraid that Huaisang would take it badly. And then they will be back where they are. His nostrils flare a little, breathing in deeply. )
I didn't wish to continue after you pinched me. Now, I am far too riled up to to go to bed. So what would you like me to do? Do you know what I want to do?
What would you like? [Huaisang's less worried about Javert eating himself up with guilt and self-loathing, so he can take the irritation. He's tired, and he just wants to be in his husband's arms, but he's willing to put up with whatever Javert needs so that they can both be okay.
A little bit of a pout might get through because he can't help it, even though he does very much want to seriously support Javert and his feelings.]
I want to go outside. You may come or you may stay.
( The pout doesn't move him quite as much as it would have before. Javert goes to his room in search of a dressing-gown, something to cover him a little better so he's not completely freezing beneath his coat. He returns to their room, stepping out into the hallway through their bedroom door instead of his own. Going down the steps in search of his boots and his greatcoat, desperate to feel the winter air against his face. )
[ Huaisang squeaks a little with bewildered frustration as he tries to figure out what that requires. It’s cold outside?? And he’s wearing an artful napkin??
Whining a little, he goes back to his room and tries to find a quick and practical outfit, despite that being antithetical to his entire wardrobe. He pulls together a wrap skirt and a blouse that don’t entirely clash as an outfit, throwing on both over his little gray romper, but when he comes
back out, Javert has already headed down the stairs without him and there’s no one to help him with his cloak.
It’s all too much so he just sits where he is in the middle of the hallway, near the top of the stairs. Should he fetch the cloak, which is new and lovely and wonderful, or should he go back for a more practical coat that he can handle without help and won’t have to worry over? Does Javert even want him to come, or is he too annoyed and wants to be away from Huaisang?
It’s a puzzle more difficult than he’s capable of dealing with, so he just sits and blinks, trying not to cry and telling himself that it’s stupid to cry over his husband wanting to go for a walk, even if the reason his husband wants to go for a walk is because Huaisang is difficult and
frustrating and impossible to please.]
( Javert doesn't get any further than his coat before he notices Huaisang near the top of the stairs. Sitting on the floor and looking as if he is experiencing some great inner turmoil, something Javert can barely comprehend. Did he twist an ankle? What is wrong with him? )
Huaisang.
( He doesn't bark, doesn't sound any more stern than he usually is — he's just trying to get his husband's attention, moving closer to the bottom of the staircase while he pulls his coat on. )
[Huaisang looks up shy and a little guilty, aware that this is a stupid problem to be having and probably not the kind of problem that normal people experience.] I don't know if I should just wear my usual coat or if I should put on the cloak, because the cloak will be extra effort and I might slow you down and I don't know if you even really want me to come or if you want to be away from me and I know it's stupid I'm sorry.
[His blinks become more rapid, tears more of a threat. Usually he doesn't feel much guilt about being high-maintenance, since he loves being doted upon and he has always had a gift for attracting people who want to obey him and care for him. But right now he feels foolish, aware that he's causing problems for his husband and unable to deal with those problems himself.]
( Javert heaves a little sigh, stepping up the stairs with slow deliberation. He buttons up his coat as he does, all the way to the chin as he steps past Huaisang and into their room, gathering up the cloak that he set aside. He offers it to him on his return, not saying much save for, )
Here. We will go to the backyard for a while. That should not be too difficult, yes?
( So there's no need for him to cry, or to worry that he is a burden to his husband. He knows Huaisang isn't always rational — most people often aren't, to him, because they're not robots. A thought does occur to him, though, and he has to ask, )
[Huaisang reaches to be helped up, trying his best to contain his pouting, focusing on getting into the cloak and getting it properly settled on his shoulders. Once it's on, Huaisang throws his arms around his husband's waist, hugging tight with his cheek around Javert's chest for a few seconds before he's willing to release.]
I... I don't know. He's changed so much. He was burdened with so much responsibility and stress, and then being poisoned in a way that brought him constantly to rage.
Let's go to the front. The yard is bigger there. Better view of the stars. [Huaisang tries a tentative smile.]
( He doesn't shy away from Huaisang's touch this time, his arms wrapping around him with an almost insufferable reassurance. As if he cannot believe he married a man foolish enough to think that his husband would leave him there to cry. )
Get your shoes on, then.
( He says it, but doesn't make any move to pull away. Better for Huaisang to decide when he's ready, as Javert looks down at him, his hand brushing lightly against his hair. )
[Huaisang nods, a little less shaky on his feet as he draws away and heads downstairs to slip his feet into a pair of pretty heeled boots. He stays close to his husband as they move outside into the snowy night. The large front yard of their home is walled and private, with the big tree in front that Huaisang loves to hang with the large baskets for lounging in. The garden behind the house is more manicured, with walkways and ponds, which the guest house looks out upon.
Huaisang tips his head up toward the sky with a smile, wispy clouds and barely-there specks of snow drifting down, stars still visible between the wisps.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Huaisang relaxes a little into the embrace, letting his own arms rest lightly over Javert’s shoulders. ] Good. You obey me and serve my pleasure first. In public, you obey the city’s laws. When we are alone, you obey only me. I do not want to hear of the city’s laws here in our bedroom, where only my rule matters.
If you were trying to please me, then you acted correctly, to the best of your ability. If your understanding of my pleasure was incorrect, then it was my failing to not make my desires clearer.
So help me to understand: why did you think that was what I desired?
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You do like to swallow me. ( He says, feeling foolish and blushing a little as he speaks. ) The times that you have taken me into your mouth, you've taken me greedily. I thought you might like to be told that, but my mouth got away from me.
( He shudders a little, looking incredibly lost as he raises his gaze once more. )
I need your guidance. It seems I have displeased you quite a lot in recent days. I know you do not wish me to be a creature without thought, but I still need your dominance when we make love. Please.
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Your words sounded scolding, telling me not to make a mess, not to create work for you. I have always reacted poorly to being scolded or given instruction of any kind.
You have not displeased me much at all in recent days. The only other thing I can think of is when you sought to be perfect and I had to remind you that progress and love has come from you letting go of that need to be perfect.
[Huaisang kisses his forehead, ever so gentle.] I know it is agonizing for you any time I am even the slightest bit annoyed, but it's still going to happen sometimes. Misunderstandings are natural. Remember that it's good to not be perfect.
Overall, I think our sex has only gotten more amazing over the course of our marriage. You are wonderful, you please me enormously, and I love you very, very much.
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( It's not something he's ever tried before — fucking someone's mouth. He's not so certain it gives him anymore joy than when Huaisang can control the pace, make Javert feel used and desired. His heart clenches in his chest a little, trying not to feel so much like a failure. It'll take time for him to let go of that desire to be perfect. )
I only want it to be good for you. I will whatever you wish, but I want you to be in control. I don't like fucking you when you cannot speak, when you cannot order me as you should.
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I am always in control. [He holds Javert's gaze, eyes dark and firm, letting Javert feel the force of his will.] I thought I was in control then, with my hand dictating your pace and you obeying me.
I know that I am ... unusual, and sometimes a conundrum. People associate dominance with being the one doing the penetrating. I only ever bottom with anyone but you, and I am usually dominant with my other lovers as well. I am always in command with you.
[Huaisang lifts his chin, imperious and cool, continuing to gaze down at his husband.] It is one of the things that I like best about our relationship. When you pin me down and overwhelm me, when you get a little feral and possessive, you are still under my control. No one else gives me that the way you do. So if you've found yourself getting a little lost at those times, unclear of whether I am still in command, then I will make certain that there are no doubts left in your mind.
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( He continues to look a little docile, not quite recovered from his earlier despair but a little more settled than he was a few moments ago. At least he doesn't look as if he's about to have a breakdown, his body no longer trembling as it was before. )
May I dress for bed, then? Please. I will ask for nothing more.
( He doesn't like to beg, but he would very much like Huaisang to grant this request of his. Let him cover himself a little so he can begin to feel a bit more like himself. )
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[He feels foolish still dressed in his silk and chains, so he goes to change out of it, choosing a cozy bit of gray knit that doesn't feel too absurdly sexy for the mood of the moment but also doesn't seem too much like anything is different or unusual. He returns quickly, not wanting to leave Javert alone, and moves to sit quietly at the foot of the bed, feeling tired and sad but worrying that if he shows too much of it Javert will be all the more guilty, which will be all the more emotional weight for Huaisang to bear.]
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He comes to the bed obediently, noticing Huaisang's change of clothes and approving of them silently. The gold collar is around his neck, his collar open and with the buttons undone, so that there's nothing else in the way. )
Thank you.
( He says, knowing that Huaisang doesn't like to be alone. He places a hand on his husband's shoulder, his own so large it nearly encompasses it in size. )
I'm yours now. Tell me what you desire.
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( It's difficult, but the praise that he's received in recent months for his obedience has helped. He doesn't feel quite so insecure about it when he knows it's something that pleases his lovers — and most especially his husband. )
I never knew the warm touch of a man before I came here. Sometimes I worry that I am too clumsy with my lovemaking, too rough or too wild with others. I am glad that I have not disappointed you, that you enjoy it so much.
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But even for me, sometimes, you are perhaps a little too submissive. Not in that I want you to be dominant, because I don't. [Huaisang lifts his head to give him a wry but also warning look, but keeps his head up when his expression clears.]
What I mean is that when you misstep, when we have any level of misunderstanding, you try to make yourself all the more servile, all the more emotionless and irreproachable. And I do not like that.
I like my passionate, lustful, possessive, sometimes feral husband. I do not want you being so submissive that you deny yourself all your passions. I like you wild. I like very much having a dangerous and rough man who is soft and tamed for me, who obeys my every command in an instant.
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I only wish to try to calm you, Huaisang. I don't know what else to do.
( Huaisang is not at all like the other authority figures in his life, those who expect him to do everything he's told without thought — who call him mad when he rebels in any small way. His pleasure quickly turns to ferocity, displeased that anyone would call Huaisang corrupt. )
And who has said these things about you? I've never heard such nonsense.
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We can speak of those people later. I'll list off their names and the circumstances and you can hate them for me.
Right now this is still about us.
I remember one of our earlier fights, near our wedding. We had several heated ones in a relatively short amount of time, so I forget which one it was that gave me this thought, but I remember feeling so grateful and relieved that you fought with me. I need a husband who will fight with me when there is a problem.
It is not good for me to have a partner who only yields and does not tell me there is a problem. And it is even more not good for me to have a partner who shames me for my temper and makes me feel that I am unreasonable. I need someone who lets me lose my temper and who still stands up to me, who is honest and forthright and tells me when there is a problem.
And you do. You fight with me when you are displeased with something. We just need to work on making sure that you have that same certainty and backbone when I'm the one who's displeased.
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There you've done it! Now I'm displeased.
( It does irritate him a little, knowing that his reactions are not pleasing to Huaisang unless he is angry. He raises his voice a little, no longer meek or satisfied. )
I've done everything in my power to make this a happy night for us both. I spoke out of turn and I didn't realize my error until you told me what was wrong. What was I suppose to say? That you need to be put in your place? I would not!
I apologized. What would you rather I do, Huaisang?
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I pinched you, [he points out, letting his own hands drop though he still wants to be held.] I was guiding you in and out and you were obeying me, and it was wonderful. You said something foolish, trying to add to the heat of the moment, trying to please me, and I pinched you to let you know that it ... wasn't ... appreciated.
That was all. You said something foolish, and I pinched you. And then you panicked. I was momentarily annoyed, and since then I've been trying to reassure you that you don't need to question your entire attitude and all your actions for the past weeks or months.
Because you've been wonderful, and you gave me a breathtaking gift, and I very much enjoyed being able to take your cock in to the hilt the way that I usually can't.
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( He says, still very much annoyed and unable to cool off as easily as Huaisang can. There's a desire in him to throw on his coat and go for a walk out in the snow — anything he can do to distance himself from this conversation and settle his mind a little, but he's afraid that Huaisang would take it badly. And then they will be back where they are. His nostrils flare a little, breathing in deeply. )
I didn't wish to continue after you pinched me. Now, I am far too riled up to to go to bed. So what would you like me to do? Do you know what I want to do?
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A little bit of a pout might get through because he can't help it, even though he does very much want to seriously support Javert and his feelings.]
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( The pout doesn't move him quite as much as it would have before. Javert goes to his room in search of a dressing-gown, something to cover him a little better so he's not completely freezing beneath his coat. He returns to their room, stepping out into the hallway through their bedroom door instead of his own. Going down the steps in search of his boots and his greatcoat, desperate to feel the winter air against his face. )
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[ Huaisang squeaks a little with bewildered frustration as he tries to figure out what that requires. It’s cold outside?? And he’s wearing an artful napkin??
Whining a little, he goes back to his room and tries to find a quick and practical outfit, despite that being antithetical to his entire wardrobe. He pulls together a wrap skirt and a blouse that don’t entirely clash as an outfit, throwing on both over his little gray romper, but when he comes back out, Javert has already headed down the stairs without him and there’s no one to help him with his cloak.
It’s all too much so he just sits where he is in the middle of the hallway, near the top of the stairs. Should he fetch the cloak, which is new and lovely and wonderful, or should he go back for a more practical coat that he can handle without help and won’t have to worry over? Does Javert even want him to come, or is he too annoyed and wants to be away from Huaisang?
It’s a puzzle more difficult than he’s capable of dealing with, so he just sits and blinks, trying not to cry and telling himself that it’s stupid to cry over his husband wanting to go for a walk, even if the reason his husband wants to go for a walk is because Huaisang is difficult and frustrating and impossible to please.]
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Huaisang.
( He doesn't bark, doesn't sound any more stern than he usually is — he's just trying to get his husband's attention, moving closer to the bottom of the staircase while he pulls his coat on. )
What is the matter?
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[His blinks become more rapid, tears more of a threat. Usually he doesn't feel much guilt about being high-maintenance, since he loves being doted upon and he has always had a gift for attracting people who want to obey him and care for him. But right now he feels foolish, aware that he's causing problems for his husband and unable to deal with those problems himself.]
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Here. We will go to the backyard for a while. That should not be too difficult, yes?
( So there's no need for him to cry, or to worry that he is a burden to his husband. He knows Huaisang isn't always rational — most people often aren't, to him, because they're not robots. A thought does occur to him, though, and he has to ask, )
Is your brother a light sleeper?
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I... I don't know. He's changed so much. He was burdened with so much responsibility and stress, and then being poisoned in a way that brought him constantly to rage.
Let's go to the front. The yard is bigger there. Better view of the stars. [Huaisang tries a tentative smile.]
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Get your shoes on, then.
( He says it, but doesn't make any move to pull away. Better for Huaisang to decide when he's ready, as Javert looks down at him, his hand brushing lightly against his hair. )
It would be best not to disturb him.
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Huaisang tips his head up toward the sky with a smile, wispy clouds and barely-there specks of snow drifting down, stars still visible between the wisps.]
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